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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch, an in-depth look at the archers with me, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, James Everett and Matt Rodriguez-Pain.

Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge.

We began the week with Alan, having a sudden enthusiasm for Christianity. He hadn't done any for a while, so he got quite into it.

It was quite moving all that Jesus cross business, Usha Love. He then proceeded to take the piss out of the promises tree, which wasn't very eastery of him.

Apparently, Jimis is reading the ancient mariner to Jill. A thousand thousand slimy things lived on mostly at home farm.

Anyway, God was clearly unhappy at Alan's piss-taking as he dropped the church roof on him.

Oliver seized the opportunity to do very little in terms of promises, so agreed, not to fix it, but to be the one that got the

texts from the builder saying, Sozmate, summing come up, will be their prob after weekend,

depending on weather, before we're entirely ghosting everyone, and the whole congregation gets

used to clambering over a pile of rubble to take communion. Carol Toboggan has become a cow. I have no idea why they have

transformed her into such a vile old troll with her Worker Day biscuits and her criticism. She used to be

the only person in the village you could have an intelligent conversation with, apart from Chimis.

And now she's a caricature. Adam nosyed about Brian and Miranda, which was flop all to do with him. He said, I need to know. And Brian said, no, you don't. Two minutes later, they were matey as anything. Happily united in their condemnation of Rurie is a wet smack and a total loss. Anyway, having offered the farm to Alice and then Rory, Brian's now given it to Adam, again

with no prior consultation or warning to anyone else. Although now Adam started talking

about growing cum quacks or whatever he was, Brian will no doubt change his mind again. I wonder

if he's working his way through a list. I might be up next. That's quite exciting. Has he

wrong you yet? Although Brian's idea of growing caravans was frankly ridiculous.

Also nosying was Chris, who spotted George's alcohol tag, but he was very subtle about it,

...