Communicate Without Talking (this is not as weird as it sounds)

Love Over Addiction

Michelle Anderson

Society & Culture, Wifeofanalcoholic, Codependency, Relationships, Recovery, Alanon

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 2 September 2018

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When our loved one who's suffering from addiction treats us poorly by drinking after they promised not to, or using drugs when they JUST said this time they were getting sober for good, it can make us want to lash out, get defensive, or become unglued.

It’s true! No one wants to admit that women can get angry, but this disease makes us feel that way. Anger is part of the package—let’s just be real.

So how do we respond in a way that best serves us?

Today on LoveOverAddiction.com, I’m sharing my tips for communicating without saying a word.

Read our blog here: https://www.loveoveraddiction.com/how-to-express-your-feelings-without-arguing

If you want to learn more about the Love Over Addiction program, visit us at http://theloveoverway.com/programs/love-over-addiction/.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You're listening to the Love Over Addiction Podcast. Hey, I'm Michelle Anderson, and the other day I received a very rude message, an email from a woman who asked me to share my business's financial
0:28.4	position with her. She asked, how much do you make and where is the money from your programs going and it wasn't so much the fact that
0:38.0	She asked these questions because I don't mind sharing with women that I put most of the money back into actually all the money back
0:45.8	into the business and I spent a couple years paying myself less than a manager at Burger King
0:52.3	because that's the truth. I don't mind sharing
0:55.6	that for the first four years I worked 60 and 70 hour weeks for free, not paying myself anything. And I also don't mind sharing that because
1:07.0	we have just hired a brand new team, I am back to working for free again. Because it's more important to me to create a mission and
1:16.8	a movement and reach women out there that need this message than it is for me to get a salary.
1:25.0	So in fact, for a while, while I was choosing not to take a salary
1:29.6	so I can pay the amazing women who work for me to help with the Love Overdiction 2 program and
1:38.3	other new projects, I am paying myself nothing.
1:42.2	And maybe my salary will change in the future,
1:44.5	and maybe it won't.
1:46.4	But this woman's shocking assumption
1:49.2	that I was going to just hand over my balance sheet made me upset and feel defensive. So I spent the next few
1:57.7	hours stewing and writing a very long email back to her.
2:03.4	And then when I got everything out, I asked my husband to read it.
2:08.7	Afterwards, he gave me a look of mild concern and asked if I was really going to send it. He encouraged me to have breakfast. Brian always makes a family breakfast on Saturdays and sit on it for a while. So I saved my email. I vowed not to do
2:27.2	any more work over the weekend. Well to be truthful I worked another five hours but I still didn't touch the email I promise you that and on Monday I
2:37.9	I asked Megan my amazing co-worker and community coordinator to read my response. And you know what this
2:45.0	wise 20-something-year-old told me? Michelle, I don't understand why you have to
2:51.6	justify your finances to anyone.
	...

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