Thanks, everybody. Please have a seat, everybody. You're too kind. Welcome. Welcome,

one and all, to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, and tonight, ladies and gentlemen,

I come to you. I am over the moon because yesterday, an American spacecraft came back from it.

Here's what's happening. You may have read that NASA is working on something called the

Artemis program. It's gonna be the first human trip to the moon since the early 70s, okay? We're

getting your golf ball back, Alan Shepard. All right? Play it where it lies. And the mission passed

its first big test this past month with a launch in the middle of the night, lunar orbits,

and then a safe splash town in this Pacific yesterday, completing its 26-day 1.4 million-mile

journey. Welcome back, Orion. Job well done.

Been gone for a month. I have so much to tell you about White Lotus.

Even more exciting Orion's historic ocean plop came 50 years to the day after the last Apollo

mission, Apollo 17, landed on the lunar surface in 1972. That is amazing. The last time we flew to

the moon, I looked like this.

Worry, worry kid. It's true. It's true what they say. The camera really does add 50 years.

The Orion capsule was, in this case, an uncrewed vessel, but it did contain a mannequin named

Commander Murnican Campos and two mannequin torsos named Helga and Zohar. In space, no one can

hear you scream, Helga, Zohar, who took your legs? I don't know why just torsos. Why were they

just sent torsos? The mannequin's job was to test the effects of radiation on the human body,

which is why Helga and Zohar were made of materials that mimic the soft tissue organs and bones of a

woman. A big day for science, huge day for the loneliest nerd at NASA.

Good news, fellas. I've done extensive personal research on maybe keeping the tender touch of

an actual human whoobhead. Please meet my lovely robot companion, Squeezella, and I'm being

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