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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch, an in-depth look at the arches with me, Harriet Carmichael, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, James Everett.

I was going to say Jeff Everett.

Jeff Freeman, Jeff Carmichael, Jeff Everett and Jeff Rodriguez Payne.

And also Jeff Everett.

Would it be a terrible choice if your surname was Everett?

Jeff Everett and Matt Rodriguez-Pain.

Now, before we make a start on your emails,

let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge.

We began the week at the Flaren Produce,

with Paul being back and doing his

little boy Lost Act again and Lily being in sole charge of a celebrity. If you've never

met a celebrity before, it must be galling to have to do it well dressed as Mr Claypole from

Renta Ghost. Charlotte Smith was a celebrity, the latest BBC press office offering to remind

us all that the Archers is about farming and the

countryside, not prison, dog trading, Instagram and gang warfare. Charlotte Smith is one of the

few TV presenters I do actually like, and she doesn't have a forehead that dazzles you when it

hits the light, and she sounds like she knows what she's on about. What mystifies me as always when

a celeb hits Ambridge is after the initial forning, the village completely ignores a celeb and leaves them stumbling around on their own while they all talk amongst themselves as usual. They left poor Charlotte ambling about, feebly asking people why the wedding guests, the wedding taking place at the same time and in the same place as a flower and produce, were walking about gnawing parsnips the size of their own shins. I'm enjoying, by the way, the fact that the scriptwriters have got bored and said Sodd it, let's give Great Dane a limitless budget so he can spaff money like a geyser, thus making all the Ambridge Festival days much more exciting than normal. No doubt, Beyonce will be starring in the opening ceremony of the Carol Service

...