Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations

Huberman Lab

Scicomm Media

Science, Health & Fitness, Life Sciences

4.8 • 26.2K Ratings

🗓️ 2 October 2023

⏱️ 173 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including in business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in person and in written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills and for those who want to be able to keep a level head in heated discussions. For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Plunge: https://plunge.com/huberman ROKA: https://roka.com/huberman InsideTracker: https://insidetracker.com/huberman InsideTracker Giveaway: https://info.insidetracker.com/hydrow Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman Timestamps (00:00:00) Chris Voss (00:02:18) Sponsors: Plunge & ROKA (00:04:59) Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness (00:11:41) Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music (00:18:59) “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing (00:28:38) Generosity (00:32:46) Sponsor: AG1 (00:33:44) Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration (00:39:40) Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip” (00:48:15) Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions (00:54:46) Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries (01:01:09) Sponsor: InsideTracker (01:02:18) “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation (01:07:47) Lying & Body, “Gut Sense” (01:15:42) Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues (01:20:39) Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters” (01:26:47) Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience (01:32:16) Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes (01:37:35) Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling (01:45:17) Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality (01:51:41) Physical Fitness, Self-Care (01:57:01) Long Negotiations & Recharging (02:02:40) Hostages, Humanization & Names (02:08:50) Tactical Empathy, Compassion (02:15:27) Tool: Mirroring Technique (02:22:20) Tool: Proactive Listening (02:29:48) Family Members & Negotiations (02:35:21) Self Restoration, Humor (02:39:01) Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects (02:47:45) “Sounds Like…” Perspective (02:50:54) Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac Disclaimer

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.
0:09.0	I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.
0:15.0	My guest today is Chris Voss.
0:17.0	Chris Voss spent more than two decades as an agent with the FBI or Federal Bureau of Investigation,
0:23.0	where he was a lead crisis negotiator and a member of the Joint Terrorist Task Force.
0:28.0	Chris is also the author of a phenomenal bestselling book entitled Never Split the Difference.
0:33.0	In addition, he has taught courses in negotiation at Harvard, at Georgetown, and at the University of Southern California.
0:40.0	As a world expert in all forms of negotiation, today Chris teaches us about how to hold hard conversations
0:47.0	where we are seeking particular outcomes, or perhaps where we don't know what the optimal outcome could be.
0:52.0	He talks about this in the context of business, in the context of relationships, including romantic relationships,
0:58.0	but familial and work relationships as well, and he talks about how we should think about ourselves in the context of negotiations
1:06.0	so that we can all arrive at the best possible outcomes.
1:09.0	Indeed, during today's episode, you will learn to pay attention to emotions, not just other people's emotions,
1:15.0	but your own emotions. In order to determine whether or not you are processing the information you are hearing accurately,
1:21.0	and equally important, whether or not you are being heard accurately, when you are in a discussion of any kind,
1:27.0	but especially heated discussions.
1:29.0	In addition, we discuss the role of both physical and mental stamina in the context of difficult conversations,
1:35.0	negotiations, and decision making.
1:37.0	Because in the real world context, oftentimes, those can take place not just within a single conversation,
1:42.0	but over the course of several days or even several weeks, months, or years.
1:47.0	Chris also teaches us about deception, that is how to determine if somebody is lying by asking particular types of probe questions.
1:55.0	Thanks to Chris Voss's both breadth and depth of expertise in the negotiation process that he gleaned during his more than two decades service in the FBI,
	...

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