Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylif Jesse Thorn. This week we're in chambers clearing the docket. Judge Hodgman, how sir are you?

I, sir, am fine. Thank you.

Are we sir or good?

We elevated ourselves to like a diplomatic ball level of formality.

Yes, it's right. It's also a very oblique reference to the second song in the musical Hamilton, which I believe you have still not listened to.

Nope, I refuse to listen to it because I want to see it.

I highly disagree. You are saving yourself for the experience. I highly disagree with your plan, but that is for you to decide.

We all must decide how we will engage with Hamilton.

In the meantime, I'll be listening to the soundtrack of the musicman.

Capital T rhymes with P and that stands for Justice.

Right? No. That is how the song Trouble in River City goes.

Why don't we get straight to these cases? These cases aren't going to solve themselves, Judge Hodgman.

No, they probably would work themselves out, but especially the fairly low stakes of the first one on the docket.

Also, did you notice that I just used the verb to solve regarding these cases like you're a French judge magistrate?

Oh, may we?

A detective judge?

I am actually Belgian.

Here's something from Brian. When I order that most popular of pizza topping combinations, I say to the order-taker, pepperonian cheese.

My wife, Victoria, insists that by including the words and cheese, I risk getting double cheese since every pizza already comes with cheese.

Saying pepperonian cheese is common enough, no employee has ever confused the order in my experience and they know if I wanted extra cheese, I'd say so.

Judge Hodgman, please allow me to order to my convention.

If I ever get pizza with dreaded extra cheese, then I'll conform to her phrasing.

...