So, here we are in an unspecified location, not in hiding deliberately. Not in hiding yet.

Not in what's it called? What they do, whether it's a witness protection programme, but

just... I don't think witness protection looks like this, though. Oh, I don't know. It depends

on the witness they're protecting. We are in a very, very nice hotel room, because

what are you doing this morning? I'm joined to the end by the time you listen to this,

but as time you hear this, when it lands on Friday, I will have finished finally filming

series four of amazing hotels, and we're recording the podcast here and Ben has visited

and it's the most glamorous place I've ever done a podcast from, except that my microphone

is an upturned bin with a microphone sitting on the top of it. But it's quite a fitting

maybe for what we're going to talk about. Well, we're going to talk about all sorts

of things, but... What's happened to you since last week? To me? Yeah. Me? Nothing. Oh,

you mean that? Yeah. Well, I wrote a column last Saturday. Which listeners will remember

us talking about, which was about how and why there aren't very many young male novelists

at the moment, where there are dozens of young female novelists. Although it's not a massive

crisis, it's a bit of a nonsense. It was a female American novelist whose name you were

a little bit strapped. A little bit strapped. And she said that there are no young male novelists

coming through, and I then went and looked up the statistics and found that it was indeed

57% of new fiction last year was written by women, and 43% only was written by men. And

we, as we decided together, men and women, this would be a funny opportunity to write a column

about the... I wrote about the shortage, the crisis. We're running out of turkeys, we're running

out of pigs and blankets. There aren't enough waiters. And also now, oh my god, we're running

out of young male novelists. Where are they all? It was just a joke. And you have a unique

...