Welcome to Back from the Abyss. I'm Dr. Craig Hecock.

We've had a few stories about bipolar disorder during our five seasons, but I think this is

the first one to go deep into what it actually feels like to be manic.

It can be very difficult for people to accurately recall manic episodes, because they aren't

stored like typical narrative memories, but rather they often feel like confusing

and out-of-control reveries that seem to have happened to a different version of themselves.

And then comes the guilt and the shame that often follows manic episodes as a result of the

loss of normal social inhibition, the lack of fear, and the surging dopamine levels,

thus leading people to take risks and do things they would never normally do,

typically within the three big S's, spending, speeding, and sex.

I've been wanting to find someone who had the eloquence, the psychological-mindedness,

and vulnerability to tell their mania story.

And as I've mentioned before, some prior episodes, this can be a really hard ask, and I need

to define just the right person. And then fortuitously, I recently was listening to a podcast

called Together Sober, hosted by Louise Barnett, and she spent an entire episode sharing her

thoughts and insights on living with mania. I knew then that she would be the perfect person

to tell her story I'm back from the abyss, and indeed this episode was a total delight to record

with her. It's interesting because, you know, I was asked here today to reflect and talk about my experience

bipolar one with mania.

Part of that reflection, you know, takes me back to when this all began.

For me, mania was not my first experience of bipolar. For me, I lived a

relatively normal life and when I started high school, I was in my second year of high school and

...