Beyond "I'm Sorry": Understanding and Healing Childhood Shame w/ Myla Leinweber

Mama Knows

Cloud10

Parenting, Kids & Family

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 11 February 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this conversation, Nina and Myla discuss the complexities of shame in children, particularly focusing on 'spicy' kids who are more sensitive and emotionally intense. They explore how shame manifests in children, the origins of these feelings, and the importance of proactive parenting strategies to help children navigate their emotions. The discussion emphasizes the need for parents to understand their children's unique emotional landscapes and to foster an environment where children feel secure and loved, reducing the impact of shame. In this conversation, Myla Leinweber and Nina explore the complexities of parenting, particularly focusing on the themes of shame and guilt. They discuss how parents can navigate their own feelings of shame when interacting with their children, the importance of genuine apologies, and the distinction between guilt and shame. The conversation also delves into strategies for holding children accountable while minimizing shame, as well as proactive approaches to help children manage feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, they highlight the unique joys and challenges of parenting 'spicy' kids who feel emotions deeply. 00:00: Navigating Shame in Parenting 02:54: Understanding Spicy Kids 05:57: The Origins and Impact of Shame 08:58: Recognizing Signs of Shame in Children 11:53: Proactive Strategies for Addressing Shame 14:55: Responding to Shame in the Moment 18:01: Building a Foundation Against Shame 22:16: Navigating Parental Shame and Guilt 25:20: The Art of Apologizing and Repairing Relationships 28:53: Understanding Guilt vs. Shame in Parenting 29:19: Holding Children Accountable Without Shame 35:40: Proactively Addressing Shame in Children 41:19: The Joy of Parenting Spicy Kids Myla is a parent educator who helps parents of spicy kids—those who live close to shame and feel everything in deep, wide ways—parent with confidence and connection. Specializing in young children, Myla uses her signature before/during/after framework to help parents deeply understand their child’s behavior through the lens of temperament, shame, and the nervous system. With a B.Ed, M.Ed, master’s-level parent coaching certification, and as a Safe and Sound Protocol Provider, Myla is the creator of the Joyful Parenting Collective and the Regulate and Relate program. Her warm, relatable approach focuses on playfulness, enjoying parenting more, seeing behind behavior, and turning down shame in ways that save parents time, energy, and frustration. Follow her for practical, hopeful tips on Instagram (@joyful.parents) or at www.joyfulparents.ca. Episode Sponsor: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code MAMAKNOWS at Lumedeodorant.com! #lumepod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:31.1	You know, one thing that I wasn't really prepared for as a parent was when my child is going
0:42.3	through feelings of shame and how to navigate that because I think shame is such a hard feeling
0:48.8	to feel for anybody, adults or children. And I just never really even understood what shame looked like
0:57.6	for adults. Because I think adults hide their shame so well by doing certain things like my
1:03.7	husband, for example, he can hide his shame so well. And he doesn't even realize his shame
1:08.6	until we started talking about it recently. And same with
1:11.6	me. And that got me thinking about my six and a half year old, who is my spicy, like deep feeling,
1:19.1	like empathetic. He's like the kid. Like he writes me letters and love notes and he's just like
1:24.4	the most passionate kid ever. But he has the hardest time feeling shame.
1:31.0	He shuts down. He becomes this person that I don't know who he is. And I started kind of like
1:37.4	digging into that because I didn't know how to navigate it. He would like shut down and run away
1:42.5	and say mean things and like not want to
1:45.9	apologize. And I'm like, okay, okay, what? How do I navigate this? And like I'm working on it.
1:52.7	Like I'm trying to still figure it out. But I'm so excited to have this conversation with you today,
1:56.9	Myla, because I think it's so important for parents to understand that kids can feel
2:03.6	shame and they feel it so deeply. And if we don't help them navigate it, they're going to turn
2:08.4	into like my husband, a 35 year old man who doesn't know how to like handle his shame.
	...

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