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Bert Kreischer Questions Joe Rogan’s Sexuality, Calls Theo Von Fake & Logan A Loser

Impaulsive with Logan Paul

Logan Paul

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.4 β€’ 24.2K Ratings

πŸ—“οΈ 18 April 2023

⏱️ 119 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Comedian & professional party animal, Bert Kreischer AKA “The Machine” joins the boys to discuss why he thought Joe Rogan was into men, hooking up with Adriana Chechik, Hasbulla being a Russian spy, partying with Kim Jong Un, having a foursome with Dane Cook, smoking w/ Snoop Dogg, why he takes off his shirt so much, Mike dating Whitney Cummings, drinking 1 Gallon of PRIME/day, flying dildos & more…

 

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Timestamps:

0:00 Welcome Bert Kreischer! πŸ’₯

2:30 Bert Loves IMPAULSIVE & Paul Brothers! ❀️

4:43 Theo Von Is Fake…

7:20 Foursome w/ Dane Cook πŸ‘

9:14 Number 1 Party Animal From Florida! 🍺

13:56 Steroids & “Soft Water” πŸ†

16:19 Ohio 18:26 “The Box” 😳

23:56 Bert Is Real Life ‘Yes Man’

27:49 Lucid Dreaming w/ Elvis! 🎸

32:13 Hitler & Winston Churchill

37:48 Logan’s Hates His Birthday! 😑

39:41 Pitching Johnny Knoxville Jacka*s

47:31 Hasbulla Is A Russian Spy! πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί

52:26 Logan’s Expensive Hobby πŸ¦–

56:56 What Happens When You Die? πŸ’€

59:42 Mike Majlak & Whitney Cummings In Love? πŸ’˜

1:03:50 Bert S**t His Bed… πŸ’©

1:12:47 Accidentally Taking Molly w/ Ari & Joey Diaz

1:17:24 ‘I Thought Joe Rogan Was Gay’ 🏳️‍🌈

1:21:19 Advice For Kids Who Vape, Zyn Or Smoke πŸ’¨

1:28:45 Partying w/ Kim Jong Un & Tiger Woods πŸ₯‚

1:33:19 Bert Got Stopped At Border Patrol!

1:38:43 Surprising Bert w/ 1 Gallon PRIME πŸ’¦

1:42:09 “Tom Segura Is Dead Inside”

1:43:56 Jake Paul & Playboy Mansion Parties!

1:50:36 Doing Drugs & Ziplining! πŸ’Š

 

***PLEASE NOTE*** Impaulsive is a significant break from the typical content viewers have come to expect from the vlog channel & we could not be more proud and excited to watch this unfold and grow. Please be advised that we will be exploring a wide variety of topics (some adult-themed) and our younger viewers (and their parents) should be advised that some topics will be for mature audiences only.

⚠ WELLNESS DISCLAIMER ⚠ Please be advised; the discussion topics and contents of Impaulsive and this episode in particular, are for informational, discussion, and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your current condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on an episode of Impaulsive, on social media, or shared within content you’ve consumed. If you are in crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. If you do not have a health professional who is able to assist you, use these resources to find help: Emergency Medical Services—911 If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org). SAMHSA addiction and mental health treatment Referral Helpline, 1-877-SAMHSA7 (1-877-72 6-4727) and https://www.samhsa.gov (https://www.samhsa.gov)

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Transcript

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0:00.0

I grew up knowing two dudes without tongues.

0:01.9

That's Florida.

0:02.9

Tongeless Brett and Haugh.

0:05.0

In this dream I said,

0:06.3

I wanna go find my wife.

0:07.3

In a dream?

0:08.1

You already got her in real life.

0:09.3

20 more seconds.

0:10.1

You got him in real life, you fucking got him in real life.

0:11.1

You fucking got him in real life, you fucking got him in real life.

0:12.1

My wife is a redneck.

0:14.0

Discipline your dog with a shovel kinda redneck.

0:16.1

Like spit on a light bulb to watch it bubble for fun.

0:19.2

You ever think of both?

0:20.2

No, I tried to.

0:24.9

Fucking love your questions.

0:30.0

You love wax.

0:40.0

Calm down, Jeff.

0:41.0

What are you doing?

0:42.0

What?

0:43.0

We got no sponsor.

0:44.0

We're gonna show him, make no money.

...

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