Hello and welcome to the TFO Football Podcast. I'm Joe Devine and I'm delighted to be joined today by Jonathan Dog McKenzie. Hi, John. Hello. How are you doing? Very well. Thank you. Well, you're sat next to the talented and virile J.J. Bolver Bullard. Yes. Yes. How are you? Virile. You are virile. Now listen, we were supposed to be joined by Sebastian Stafford Blort today. The head Doctor of

course is in Germany and unavailable due to various technical issues. So this episode, a lot more fun than usual. Is that fair? No, bless him. He sat around for 20 minutes, working for us to sort our shit out. And in the end, we just sent him away again. But listen, he sends his love and he'll be back soon, hopefully. For the time being, though, we will tell you all about what's coming up in the show today. Now, what is in the show today? Arsenal versus Manchester United. Big game. One of the big games of the season. We spend

an awful lot of time. Too long, in fact, talking about that. That's going to be fun. Chelsea's long contracts. Does that sound interesting to you? No. Well, stop listening before that bit. West Ham and David Moise, J.J. talks about that a little bit later. And of course, Everton and Frank Lumpard. We record this on a Monday. We know nothing. We actually, I actually don't know. I'm just saying that because sometimes what happens around February, January, March time is we spend an awful lot of time discussing someone on a

Monday recording. And by the time the gosh darn podcast comes out on a Tuesday, that fell as gone far more as well. A bit about cows in there. J.J. Do you talk a lot about cows? We did cow regular theme of the show today. I revealed my true accent. That's true. You did do that, didn't you? Yeah. What else happened, John? Redox David Moise. We dox David Moise. That bit was cut out. And of course, also you revealed your absolute intense hatred for Casamero. Yes. Remember that bit.

Yes. I mean, John disagreed. You did to say, oh, that's true. Think of the conflicts, but you need for good drama. Imagine that. Imagine that. Now listen, if you like conflict and good drama, then you should get Paramount Plus. Very good. I've been watching Yello Stone. Yeah. It's quite enjoyable. Top kind of so good though, isn't it? Does feel weird pain for a streaming service just to watch one show. Do you know, I watched another night? It's really good. The Dark Knight. The Batman. Yeah, the Christopher Nolan. So good.

It's funny, isn't it? It's been so long now that it's okay to say that. If you said that 10 years ago, people would have looked at you like you'd go insane. Well, I've seen it before. It's the incident for so long. I remember it differently to how I remember it when it came out ages ago, which must be when I was at uni, I guess. Yeah. It's a bit like in a cultural sense, though, because that's such an accepted comment and starts as a bit like saying, oh, the Beatles were good, weren't they? I always suppose it is one of the top-performing like IMDB movies. I suppose. So a lot of films I started watching.

Recently, and I just stopped at a 10 minutes because of rubbish. Yeah. Yeah. That's a shame. Yeah. But if you don't want to stop after 10 minutes because something's rubbish, then you should visit the Athletic because nothing is rubbish on there. And I tell you what, if anything, it's bad. I, my doctor tells me I shouldn't sit on the, he hasn't actually said this to me, but he could say this to me. Don't sit on the toilet. Or if you want to, obviously, sit on the toilet. But don't sit on the toilet for so long. If you want top tip, if you want to, and this is from a friend of mine,

he was dual panicked and he started the, no, no, I didn't panic. I was just trying to. He started the, the store friend of mine. Audience, there is discussion of piles upcoming. So if you don't want to hear that, skip ahead. A good sort of four minutes, maybe, four minutes. And, and if you want to hear it, stay listening for more, more about piles. It was a friend.

You know, I tell you if it was me, but a friend of mine had, what do they call it? No piles. I don't think we can talk with this in the forecast. You don't want to talk about piles. Why not? It's probably talking about piles. I guess you do like talking about things. There's just a bit of a normal thing that happens to people. Yes, I do. Not ideal. Particularly men of our age. Men of our age, but we shouldn't, like, make piles a scary thing not to discuss because piles happens to people. What's more, a lot of people want to, like, listen to a podcast and they're commuter while they're having breakfast or something like that. And that's where they need to hear about piles. Because piles of

course, are you doing an ad for piles? I don't know. What's happening? What I'm saying? Are you going to piles? He just sits on your toilet for a long time. Customise your piles. This is the point. The doctor said to my friend after he experienced piles. He said, listen, listen, buddy, if you like sitting on the toilet, no big deal, but just finish your business, put the main toilet lid down, sit back down on the top of that. Because the issue is the circle, the circle that the toilet, the rabbit,

the itself, literally force it that it's designed to kind of force. So what you're doing is you're just pushing, pushing, pushing. And if you sit there for a very long time, you can cause those issues for yourself. So if you are someone that spends a long time on the toilet, just finish your business, then put the top lid down, sit on top of that. The reason I say all of this is because the athletic is so good. I spend longer on the toilet than I should because I'm reading. And sometimes the reads are longer than normal. And the point I'm making is it's a terrific product. And if you visit the athletic.com,

forward slash TFO, the athletic.com forward slash TFO, make an advanced appointment with your doctor. And to you, this, this intro is a pretty good gauge of where this podcast goes. I don't think it's that fun sitting on a toilet with the lid down. Isn't it? No, it's not. It's not the whole point. Once you're up and you don't stay in there. You might as well just sit on a chair. But then isn't the point that people like sitting on a toilet because it's comfortable because of the. You can put a chair in the bathroom. No, I think people just like the. The.

experience of being like it's suspended above nature. Well, you're safe. It's a door shut as you're you're aware of everyone else. It's quite literally intimate as well because you are you are exposed. You feel it's a wound like environment. Very wound like. No, no, no. I just think the gravitational pull is just an enjoyable experience. Yeah. That's what people like. You know, this is good. Steve Hanky's put this in the. NHS choices website says how you can treat or prevent piles. There's lots of information out there about piles. And you know what?

We made a joke. We made a joke. It was a fun bit of time. Wasn't it? But piles is a real issue that afflicks many, many people. And people that we know people that talk about three games in this podcast.

There's a line in here that says gently push a pile back inside. I'm going to see you later.

Use an ice pack wrapped in a towel to ease discomfort. It says wipe your bottom and damp toilet paper. Why would that be?

This is damp. Yeah. I don't think that would be a very nice experience. Exercise regularly. That's no good.

Doesn't say anything about not sitting on the toilet here, though. Doesn't it? You can take paracetamol if piles hurt. Not sure.

Keep your boss clean and dry. Good advice for all of us. Okay.

Welcome to the Deepo Football Podcast. Where else to begin? Of course. Then with Arsenal 3, two Manchester United. Game of the season so far.

Or at least that's what people said on the Sunday that it happened on. And then when the next good one happens, they'll also say the same about that one.

But it was a good game. Wasn't it, John? It was obviously there was an element of a title challenge here, although not really, as I heard last night, that is it 538? Who do the statistics for most likely to win the league?

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