This is the Guardian. Friends, at last our time has come.

Evil vegetables are taking over the world.

And the only way to defeat them is to eat them.

So let's crunch every carrot, bite, every broccoli, and trounce every tomato.

Um, isn't a tomato of fruit?

Stick a fork in it, wise guy.

It's time to conquer the veg, one bite, one crunch and one lunch at a time. Are you

with us? Eat them to defeat them.

Hi, I'm Charlotte Patmore, and I've just spent a week using my National Art Pass. At the Barbican, I witnessed art that tackled Depression.

Brighton brought Lee Miller's beautifully sensitive photography and in East Sussex I peeped

into David Hockney's deeply personal works.

Free or discounted entry with a national art pass gives you access to the art you love and opens doors to new exhibitions for half the price too.

To find out more, visit art fund.org forward slash The Guardian.

This message was paid for by the art fund.

Hello and

and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly Weekly a flat return for arson in the

knockout stages of the Champions League Galenos curler in injury time gives Porto a

slender lead while our Tettersmen never really got going in many ways Porto didn't let them good to see

41 year old Pepe still doing at this level there is hope for all of us in the

other game Napoli and Basa show why they're not quite the same teams they were

last year a one all draw in a game that neither dominated,

but both could have won.

...