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Love Over Addiction

An Open Letter to My Ex-Husband

Love Over Addiction

Michelle Anderson

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.81.5K Ratings

🗓️ 12 March 2017

⏱️ 10 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Dear _______,

Our marriage served a purpose and was not wasted even though it did not last. We had three little ones who are light and joy and gifts to this world. They have your terrific sense of humor, your working hands, and your kind heart.

You knew that dark, rainy afternoon that you could not be the father they need. That I had found someone who could love them and care for them in a way that your addiction would not let you. You let them go out of pure love. And when you shook that man's hand outside and thanked him for adopting your blood, that was the most selfless, loving act of kindness.

You are not defined by the mistakes you've made.

In that moment, the man God created you to be was overpowering the man that addiction is trying to make you become.

I am no better than you because I don't struggle with addiction. We are both doing the best we can and making mistakes along the way.

You were given an unfair disadvantage. A predisposition. Why you? Why did our family have to break apart because of this disease?

I don't know, but one day I will get to ask God. And until then, I will work. I will work to help heal the suffering that addiction causes. To educate women and teach them that we're not powerless over this disease.

I could not save you from your disease, but I will spend my life working to make it purposeful.

We love you - from a distance, where it's safe. Because this disease is a nasty battle that is dangerous for young, tender hearts and minds. We will cheer you on and pray with tears and grit for your healing. But we will be outside the arena of your battle.

We know you can fight and surrender and win. You're a special gift. Your talents need to be used. You have love and knowledge to share with the world.

This is a battle for your life. Literally. Fight for it. Never give up. It might appear that we have left. That you have been abandoned. But if you listen closely, you will hear our cheers. Our deep plea for your breakthrough.

We have not given up. It has been many years and our voices of encouragement have not faded.

We love you - from a safe distance.

P.S. We thank you. I thank you. Thank you for never condemning me for my purpose. For encouraging me to tell my story. For thanking me for finding a good father for your children. We are waiting with open arms for your victory over addiction.


If you're ready to commit to your healing – join one of our programs and let's get started. They are full of REAL tips (and not a lot of fluff) that you can start using immediately.


Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're listening to the wife of an the podcast. For those of you that are new, this is a safe and sacred spot for women who are in love with an alcoholic or substance

0:28.6

abuser and as some of you may know who have been here a while, I was once married to a good man who still suffers from addiction to many things.

0:41.0

And I started this community and an online community at Michelle Lisa Anderson.com about six years ago.

0:52.0

I left my alcoholic husband a little over maybe eight years ago and I

1:01.2

found myself during our marriage always looking for resources on how to help him get sober.

1:10.0

I love research and so many times I would find myself at the bookstore in the middle of the

1:18.1

night or late at night in a sweat pants and sweatshirt scouring the self-help section, trying to find the

1:28.6

answers on what I could do to help him.

1:34.3

And one night I was there late and I was sitting in the middle of the aisle with all the books

1:39.6

spread around me.

1:41.4

And it hit me that although there were many stories of successful men and

1:47.3

women who got sober there were no resources or stories about the women who loved them.

1:54.5

What did they do for their healing?

1:56.7

How did they survive this disease?

1:59.7

Was there really anything we can do to help? Or are we really like the 12-step programs tell us powerless over this

2:08.9

disease? Something didn't feel right about that to me.

2:14.0

I went to Al-Anon meetings and I went to other recovery groups,

2:19.0

but for me, just for me, they didn't feel right. I wanted to have dialogue and conversation with

2:27.9

other women. I didn't want to just go in there and speak my story what was going on and not receive feedback.

2:37.2

Plus I felt like it was sometimes really depressing.

2:40.8

I didn't want to go in the bottom of a basement and drink coffee and sit in a circle.

2:46.0

I wanted to be in a warm setting with women and we could laugh and share stories and I wanted to hear stories. So it's not at all that I am putting any kind of

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