Amanda Doyle: When Fixing Isn’t Loving
Everything Happens with Kate Bowler
Everything Happens Studios
4.8 • 4.7K Ratings
🗓️ 13 May 2025
⏱️ 52 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Some people become the ones others depend on. They organize the plans, remember the details, carry the weight. They know how to fix things—quietly, efficiently, lovingly. That kind of strength can shape a whole life. Until it begins to hollow something out.
Amanda Doyle has spent much of her life being that person. In this conversation, she joins Kate to talk about what happens when helping becomes a way to stay in control, when strength hides tenderness, and when receiving love might be the bravest thing we do. She shares her experience of parenting a neurodivergent child, walking through a breast cancer diagnosis, and learning to see herself as worthy of the care she so freely gives to others.
This episode is about the ache of being the strong one—and the grace of letting that go, just a little.
In this episode, Amanda and Kate discuss:
- How a lifelong habit of fixing became both a strength and a struggle
- The quiet, radical act of letting people show up for you
- What Amanda wishes more people knew about dense breast tissue and early cancer detection
- The power of being seen—even before you have it all figured out
If you liked this episode, you might also like:
- Kate’s conversation with Amanda’s sister, Glennon Doyle, “The Love Bridge”
- Gary Haugen, “Joy is the Oxygen”
- Father Greg Boyle, “Unshakable Goodness”
Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts.
Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, I'm Megan, and I've got a new podcast I think you're going to love. It's called Confessions of a |
| 0:07.3 | female founder, a show where I chat with female entrepreneurs and friends about the sleepless nights, |
| 0:12.8 | the lessons learned, and the laser focus that got them to where they are today. And through it all, |
| 0:18.8 | I'm building a business of my own and getting all sorts of practical |
| 0:21.9 | advice along the way that I'm so excited to share with you. Confessions of a female founder |
| 0:28.0 | is out now. Listen, wherever you get your podcast. Hi, everyone. I'm David DeCovny. Join me on my podcast, Fail Better, where we use failure as a lens to reflect on the past and analyze the current moment. I speak with makers and performers like Rob Lowe, Rosie O'Donnell, and Kenya Barris, as well as thinkers like Kara Swisher and Nate Silver, to understand how both |
| 0:55.9 | personal setbacks and larger forces impact our world. Listen to fail better, wherever you get your |
| 1:02.0 | podcasts. There are people who are solvers. They could run the world. They can be the go-to person for everyone's |
| 1:12.1 | problem. They make decision trees. They give great advice. They take action. You want these people |
| 1:19.5 | in charge. Oh, hello. Yes. I'm probably talking about you. But what about when they are the ones in need? How do they ask for help? |
| 1:30.6 | And how do they receive it? Maybe this is one of the secrets to being a grown-up that we could |
| 1:36.1 | all practice. This is Everything Happens, and I'm Kate Bowler. Today, I'm speaking to someone |
| 1:43.3 | who would win every award for most capable person. |
| 1:47.1 | There is not a problem you can't hand her that she will not solve, which is a wonderful |
| 1:52.4 | skill until, of course, maybe the problem in front of you isn't a problem you can fix. |
| 1:59.7 | Like when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and she had to learn |
| 2:03.2 | to see him in his inherent goodness, not just see the struggles he may encounter. Or maybe the problem |
| 2:11.0 | isn't one you can solve alone. Like when she was receiving treatment for breast cancer and needed |
| 2:16.4 | the help of others to navigate a complex medical system. |
| 2:20.5 | So this episode is going to be a must listen for every problem solver, every type 1 enneagram, a person who refuses to ask for help, even when they could really use a hand, or actually maybe a type two, will die of empathy, |
| 2:36.5 | or a type three who just performs it or type four. Look, just everybody. My guest today is Amanda |
| 2:42.1 | Doyle. Amanda is a producer, author, and podcast host. Previously, she was a lawyer advocating for |
... |
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