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Back to the Barre

A Human Ant

Back to the Barre

Christi Lukasiak & Kelly Hyland

Society & Culture, Tv & Film

4.93.4K Ratings

🗓️ 9 January 2023

⏱️ 96 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

“You know who gives them body image issues? Abby,” says Kelly of this latest episode of Dance Moms. A scout from the prestigious Joffrey ballet company will be the audience of this week’s competition. Oddly, Abby chooses to choreograph a gymnastics-heavy number with a plastic surgery/body insecurity theme called “Nip/Tuck”. This leads to Christi and Kelly discussing what plastic surgery they and Abby have and haven’t had. Christi credits botox with transforming her signature “angry eyes,” Kelly believes the show still owes her a boob job and they both agree that Abby has had so much work done on her face since the show began that she’s now unrecognizable. During the show, Abby warns the girls not to grow up to look like their mothers. Christi reveals the truly despicable manner in which Abby used the girls to poke at their mothers’ insecurities.

Maddie takes after her mother in that they both continue to receive special treatment. Maddie gets extra time and personalized attention from Abby that allows her to perfect her solos. Producers let Melissa opt out of filming whenever she gets uncomfortable. This leaves the other Moms to fight, confess and cause the drama that makes the show a hit and Maddie a star. When Nia injures her foot, Abby treats the situation much differently than when the other girls were hurt. 

If there’s a bright spot amidst all the chaos it’s the cheese log and chicken wings at Mohan’s. Christi and Kelly’s love of lobster is fulfilled at the airport hotdog stand where they eat bisque squeezed out of a plastic bag.

Quotes

  • “It’s always about Abby. It’s always about her. Except when things go wrong. Then it’s about everybody else.” (12:51-12:59 | Christi and Kelly)
  • “I can tell when I'm doing a pickup because I am the world's worst actress. Give me all the Razzies.” (14:25-14:31 | Christi)
  • “Abby tells us the name of the group dance and I am scowling. That’s back when I still could scowl because I didn’t have Botox.” (19:15:-19:19 | Christi) 
  • “God forbid the producers had gotten me a free boob job. They gave us a $15 lunch, you think they were going to you boobs? Please. But they’re driving around in Maseratis. (20:43-21:02 | Kelly and Christi)
  • “I think we’re supposed to be trying to teach our girls to be comfortable in their own skin and not change that skin. Well, look I’m going to get back on that because I’ve changed my skin a few times. So, do whatever you want to do to make you happy.” (25:45-21:57 | Christi)
  • “If your kids get to be the superstars of the show, you need to step up and say things, too. Because we as the moms are carrying the drama and your kids are benefitting.” (59:37-59:48 | Christi)
  • “I’m going to tell you something that Chloe has said to me time and time again: the dances were so hard to remember because it was the same steps every week just in a different order. That’s why it was so easy to mess them up. No wonder they got confused.” (1:18:13-1:18:39 | Christi and Kelly)




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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hello everyone, my name is Jessie Weir. You may know me from my podcast called Table Manners

0:06.8

where I talk about food and family. Well actually my first job is being a singer and I have

0:11.3

an album called That Feels Good. Coming out and you can listen to it if you don't

0:15.5

can't see this mean to me and Lenny chat about cheese for an hour. It's all for you,

0:19.6

anyone can listen to it and I'd love you to have a little go. That feels good out now on your

0:24.3

preferred streaming platform. I think it may even make you feel good.

0:27.3

For the night to come.

0:53.2

Welcome back to the bar. Happy new year from your

0:56.7

favorite bitches. I'm Kelly. I'm Kristy. Kelly can be bitch number one in 2023.

1:05.2

No thank you. You're bitch. I'm bitch. Every episode I watch being a bitch.

1:12.4

Use it nine times out of ten. I'm not the bitch you are. I am the bitch. I really am.

1:17.5

I'm a although I will say in this one. I mean I'm kind of being like, but you are right there

1:24.0

with me. Just tagging along. Yeah, but you're there. You're the head bitch. Yes.

1:30.2

The head bitch. Okay. Yes, but but you're you're right there. You're the you're the support

1:36.0

bitch. You're the wing bitch. Yeah. You are the wing bitch. Partner and crime. I know who would have

1:42.4

ever thought after you got arrested I said I don't want to be your partner and crime anymore.

1:48.0

You're scary. Yeah. I don't want to be your partner and crime.

1:51.1

There's Gary girl. So happy new year to everyone though. I hope that you are all.

1:56.7

Another year has gone by. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

2:01.5

Fies. Totally flies. And it's like I looked back and I was reflecting on 2022 and I'm like,

2:08.2

it first I was like I didn't do anything. And then I started looking and like, no, there's

2:12.0

things I'm happy about or proud about. You know what I mean? But um just went so fast.

...

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