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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch. Did you hear anything then? Nope. Okay. I heard the theme music. Lucy didn't. Lucy's panicking, but we're going to crack on anyway. And in-depth look at the archers with me, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, Matt Rodriguez-Pain, Harriet Carmichael and James Everett. I'm Harriet. Now, before we make a start on your

emails, let's have a recap on what happened this week in Ambridge. This week was brought to you by

beavers, beavers, beavers, beavers, and people not knowing what they wanted. We began the

week discussing, for some completely mystifying reason, whether Simone Biles was the goat or not.

Even Helen understood what goat stood for, but was mystified by Riz, which is unsurprising

as as her sons accurately recognised, she has absolutely none.

Reverse Riz, if you could have that.

There is, as Harriet predicted, clearly a somewhat sticky moment about to arise when

Krusty thinks she's selling

the house as seen and Helen is about to screw her on wear and tear, entirely created by the

boys and Lee karate kicking their way around the house. As I imagine Helen just sits very still and

quiet at a window seat in case she creates dust. Anyway, by the sound of it, Krusty's losing patience with, which is just as well, as Helen is about to change her mind about buying the Beechwood House after Natasha gave her a rallying pep talk of, well, don't buy it then, I don't care, can I have it? Fallon was having money practically forced upon her by both her mother and her boyfriend, her husband, via the medium of his parents, but I wasn't exactly sure why. She'd already said she didn't want the charging station, but by then harassment was being deeply peculiar, drifting about the house, creeping up behind her and saying, what you doing? Which I think personally deserves a fork in the eye, marriage or no marriage. Anyway, they then followed a

very confusing 10 minutes in which there was practically a revolving door on the tea rooms. When

Emma went in to see Natasha and be offered a job, Fallon and Emma bumped into each other in a

car park, Tony went in to solve the entire village's housing crisis, Fallon went in to ask for a job,

Emma went in to retrieve her phone, then chased Fallon down to her house by the way if tony and natasha have solved the great ambridge property otchup in one casual conversation in the tea room then who bloody rar and i won't ever moan about either of them again but i suspect this may involve a great deal of boring lecturing by Tony on low-impact

housing, heat pumps and solar panels. Rex demanded Krusty stand outside at the freezing cold for no

discernible reason to talk about beavers and then said, right, let's go back in again.

...