#989 - James Kimmel Jr. - Why Violence & Revenge Fantasies Feel Good

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 4 September 2025

⏱️ 99 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

James Kimmel Jr. is a professor at Yale, a psychiatrist, and an author. Why are we drawn to revenge? From playground grudges to epic betrayals, the urge to strike back is universal. But is it a survival mechanism, or an ancient drive that no longer fits the modern age? Expect to learn why the feeling of revenge exists and how it is adaptive, what the biggest triggers of the desire for revenge is, why revenge and revenge fantasies make us feel good, the difference between revenge seeking and self defence or boundary setting, if some people happen to be more vengeful than others, if you should be lauding to forgive rathe than seek revenge, the steps to move through forgiveness, and much more… Sponsors: See me on tour in America: ⁠https://chriswilliamson.live⁠ See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get the brand new Whoop 5.0 and your first month for free at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount on Nomatic’s amazing luggage at https://nomatic.com/modernwisdom Timestamps: (0:00) Choosing to Not Choose Revenge (7:57) Why Do We Feel Desire for Revenge? (11:39) What are the Biggest Drivers of Revenge? (15:06) How Do We Recover from Revenge Seeking? (21:40) Is There a Connection Between Addictive Behaviour and Revenge? (24:47) The Difference Between Revenge-Seeking and Self-Defence (33:17) The Muddling of Justice and Revenge (43:46) Revenge Isn’t Evil, It’s Retribution (50:35) What Outcomes Drive Revenge? (56:48) The Legal System is a Professional Revenge Business (58:36) The Cycle of Revenge on Social Media (01:06:50) What is Social Justice? (01:09:10) Are Certain Groups More Susceptible to Revenge? (01:14:55) Warning Signs for Revenge Desire (01:19:12) Strategies to Stop Revenge Desire (01:21:13) What Does Modern Revenge and Forgiveness Culture Look Like? (01:34:43) Find Out More About James Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Is it fair to say that you decided to study revenge instead of commit a mass murder?
0:06.8	It's a great way of putting that question.
0:09.9	I would say, no, I made that decision long before I decided to study revenge.
0:16.2	However, my life might look like that happened.
0:19.8	So it's a fair question. Can you tell us that story?
0:23.5	Yeah, yeah, sure. So I had been bullied when I was a kid, moved to the country actually from a
0:31.7	suburban area at age 12 descended into this rural space where there were a lot of farm kids living around me
0:39.9	and I wanted to be part of that group.
0:42.3	And so I reached out to them.
0:45.0	But I was definitely an outsider, although I lived on a farm.
0:48.6	It was my great-grandfather's farm.
0:51.0	It wasn't a big working farm like those guys lived on. They lived on big dairy farms with
0:56.4	hundreds of head of Holstein cattle. We had a small herd of black Angus cattle and that's beef
1:02.7	cattle and some pigs and chickens and things like that. So they didn't want to have any part of
1:08.4	me kind of coming into their world. And I wasn't
1:13.7	willing to accept that. I really wanted to be part of their community. When I was young,
1:21.3	I actually wanted to be a farmer. I thought it was such a great lifestyle. And I really loved
1:26.1	what farmers did. So when I wouldn't be deterred,
1:31.1	they moved from shunning to bullying and that started with, you know, words and humiliation and
1:39.2	harassment getting on and off the school bus and going through hallways. And then as we got older,
1:44.5	up into middle teen, 18 years and even, even, you know, 15, 16, 17 years old, it started becoming
1:52.2	physical. To the point that one night when my family were home late at night, we were awakened
	...

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