#986 - Esther Perel - How Love Dies: The Psychology of Cheating & Attraction

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 28 August 2025

⏱️ 85 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist, podcaster, and New York Times bestselling author. Why do modern relationships feel so difficult? Even the happiest couples on the outside often hide unspoken rules and silent expectations that slowly erode intimacy. Resentment grows, trust fractures, and love feels harder to sustain. So how can men and women build partnerships that endure in today’s ever-changing world? Expect to learn what the “Mankeeping” trend is that is going on with women right now, how women can support emotional openness in men without mothering or emasculating them, why there is an adversarial and tribal dynamic between men and women in the modern world, why women get bored with monogamy more quickly than men, if companies should rethink their approach to workplace romance and much more… Sponsors: See me on tour in America: ⁠https://chriswilliamson.live⁠ See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get $100 off the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	oddly our attachment systems lie to us.
0:04.6	They lie to us.
0:05.7	And this was put to me earlier this year
0:08.0	is red flags don't look red if you're wearing rose-colored glasses.
0:12.6	And I think that's what the early stages of a relationship are.
0:15.9	The early stages of a relationship are rose-colored glasses,
0:18.5	and a lot of the time it means that you don't see red flags.
0:23.6	Yeah, I mean, of a relationship are rose-colored glasses, and a lot of the time it means that you don't see red flags. Yeah.
0:24.5	I mean, definitely the early stage is a stage of idealization.
0:31.2	You project onto the person, you feel so good about yourself in their presence.
0:37.1	They make you feel smart, beautiful, irreplaceable, unique.
0:44.3	And you kind of get hooked to that feeling.
0:49.4	You know, I used to feel so good in your presence.
0:52.4	Why now do I, don't I?
0:54.4	Why has it changed?
0:56.7	Some people partner with someone and all they think to themselves consciously or not is,
1:03.5	please don't ever change.
1:05.9	And some people partner with someone and in the back of their mind it is, this is going
1:10.7	to change, this is going to it is this is going to change this
1:11.3	is going to change this is going to change oh they're in love with that potential yes that's one way
1:16.8	of looking at this it's like um yes that's definitely one one one one way but i think it's an
1:24.4	interesting thing who you know when you actually want this to remain
	...

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