#947 - Scott Barry Kaufman - How To Not Let Your Past Define You

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 29 May 2025

⏱️ 77 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Scott Barry Kaufman is a Psychologist at Columbia University, a writer and podcaster. Why is victim culture so common in the West? Everyone’s been hurt, so it’s easy to claim victimhood, so why has it become a core identity and how do we honour pain without being defined by it? Expect to learn where a victimhood mentality comes from, what predicts whether someone is likely to fall into the victimhood trap or mindset and if modern culture is contributing or incentivising victimhood, the most harmful myths around identity and trauma, how you cultivate psychological flexibility in moments of deep emotional pain, the big difference between authenticity and self-esteem, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get the brand new Whoop 5.0 at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount on Nomatic’s amazing luggage at https://nomatic.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Sooner or later, you have to give up all hope for a better past.
0:04.3	What's that?
0:04.5	Yes.
0:05.0	Isn't that a great quote?
0:06.3	It's probably my favorite quote out of all quotes in the history of the world.
0:10.4	The psychotherapist Irving Yolm talked a lot about that and the importance of taking that existential perspective with his patients.
0:20.5	And I think for all of us, it's really important to recognize that we shouldn't be
0:25.7	prisoners of our past.
0:27.4	As much as we keep ruminating over and over again that we wish something was different,
0:31.6	that's not going to change the thing.
0:33.4	No matter how many times we ruminate about it, it's not going to change it.
0:37.1	So what I really want to do is help people practically and hopefully move forward with their lives.
0:45.2	I mean, it's a great point that you, if you're kind of railing against something that happened in your past,
0:54.1	hoping that you can enact some kind of controling against something that happened in your past, hoping that you can enact some
0:56.8	kind of control over it or alter what it was that occurred, you are fighting a losing battle,
1:04.4	so that's just not going to happen.
1:05.7	Yeah, that's exactly right. And I think for a lot of us, we get stuck on a certain frequency. And I think sometimes therapy is not helpful with that. And that shouldn't be a controversial thing to say at all. You know, if I had to choose, I would choose Irv Yalom as my psychotherapist.
1:28.4	Who?
1:28.9	Because Irv Yalom is the psychotherapist who has that quote.
1:32.3	Sooner or later, you have to give up all hope for a better past.
1:35.0	Yeah.
1:36.2	Talk to me about the intersection of psychotherapy and identifying with our pasts.
	...

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