That's a whole lot of first for you.

You've got an arm standoff, you've got an officer down, you've got suspect.

Never had that happen where the suspect commits suicide right in front of you.

We've had it happen inside the house away from, or you find them a couple days later,

you know, and they've killed themselves.

But the officer who was shot, how did he do?

End up doing well.

Matter of fact, I saw him, I guess it was last month, he's getting close to the end.

You know, I think he still has issues, you know, mobility-wise.

You know, he'll never be 100%.

But at that time, that's when I found out how screwed up everything was.

You know, I had the emotions of, you know, went to the hospital that night like everybody

did, got home, sat down, and that's when it kind of hit me, you know, this is not a game.

You know, my father tried to tell me that before I got on the department, you know, this

is real.

You know, there's really bad people in the world, they do bad shit to each other, and,

you know, you need to be cognizant of that.

And up to that point, I mean, you know, I might as well have a cape on an S on my chest.

I mean, I, you know, I just didn't think anything could happen to any of us.

And, but I remember the initial emotion of being upset because, you know, a friend was

shot and injured, and the reality of, you know, this, this is real.

But then the secondary emotion was, I wouldn't want to do anything else.

...