This is Jennifer Gonzalez welcoming you to episode 85 of the Cult of Pedagogy podcast.

In this episode, I'm going to talk to you about the magic of validation.

I have a multiple choice question for you.

Suppose you're standing at your classroom door greeting students as they arrive.

One of them, let's call him Gabe, comes through and sees that on the daily agenda,

you have written, choose topics for speeches. Right away, his shoulders slump.

Oh man, he says to no one in particular, I hate speeches.

What do you say? Here are your choices. A. What speeches are awesome? B.

You talk all the time, you're going to love it. C. Shocker. Gabe has another complaint. D.

Gabe, we enter the room silently, please. Or E. What do you hate about speeches, Gabe?

With options A through D, you're arguing with Gabe, dismissing his feelings,

attacking him personally, or ignoring what he said altogether.

But with option E, where you ask Gabe to tell you what he hates about speeches,

you're reacting with curiosity. You're trying to learn more.

With option E, you're already on your way to validating Gabe's point of view.

Validation is the act of recognizing and affirming the feelings or perspective of another person.

It's acknowledging that these thoughts and feelings are true for that person.

It's a very simple, astoundingly fast way to make progress in a conversation.

It eases tension, builds trust, and gets you and the other person to a solution more quickly.

The only problem with validation is that at first, it's really hard to do.

We're so used to defending our own position, to staying sort of clenched in our own stance,

that shifting to a place where we try to see it from another point of view can feel unnatural,

...