Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to redacted to tonight. This is the comedy but we've got our soul. Let's roll. Let's roll. Let's roll. Never get their control. It's ain't got their money, but we've got our soul.

Welcome. Welcome to Redact to Tonight. This is the comedy show where Americans in America covering American news are called foreign agents. You've probably heard the news, folks. There's an epidemic of China forcing Uyghurs to labor against their will. The Guardian says, there's a good chance your cotton t-shirt was made with Uighur slave labor.

The New York Times says a coalition brings pressure to end forced U.S.

U.S. takes aggressive steps against China for forcing U.Gers into labor.

My God, man!

Our clothing is made by Uyghur slave labor?

All these years, I thought it was made by by, by, by, by, by, by...

Other kinds of slave labor.

Not Uyghur slave labor? not weaker, slave labor?

I mean, I knew my Nike shoes were made in Vietnam

by workers earning $73 a month.

My iPhone is made of metals mined by children

as young as six, risking their lives amid toxic dust just to get a few pennies from the big electronics firms.

And my Levi jeans are sewn by workers in Bangladesh, earning little more than 3,000 taka a month, which is approximately $35.

So that's $420 per year, which is what Jeff Bezos makes in a single second.

I'm not getting literally every second.

So we're all just covered in disgusting labor practices and abuse and blood, sweat, and tears.

No, seriously, ads for this jagged literally boast of a like tears laminate that keeps it kind of shiny.

And if you'll just, wait one second here, I think I need to eat some of my delicious Nestle chocolate

that was harvested with slave labor in the ivory coast.

Oh, God.

I hope it was child slave labor because that is the best kind.

...