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The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

625: Melody Wilding - Effectively Managing Up, Designing Your 1:1s, Getting Paid What You're Worth, Creating The 1 Pagers, & Earning The Triple Win

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Ryan Hawk

Careers, Management, Business

4.81.3K Ratings

🗓️ 9 March 2025

⏱️ 62 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes

The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk

Notes:

  • “I sensed something was terribly wrong when I dialed into the conference line at 8:00 a.m. and heard an unfamiliar voice. “Hi, Mel ody, I’m Janine. I’m with an external HR firm. Unfortunately, this call is to let you know that your employment has been terminated, effective immediately.”
  • Managing up is not kissing up. Managing up is strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives.
  • The triple win – What is something you can do that is good for you, good for your boss, and good for the company? Focus on those issues and solving those problems, and good things will happen for you as you grow your career. Like Carly Fiorina. Run towards the fire. Solving those tough problems will help you, your boss, and your company
  • Meeting with a CEO. Connect what you did with what matters. Adapt your communication to that.
  • Have upward empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. What matters to them? Prior to the meeting, meet with their Chief of Staff. Anticipate objections and answer them before they are asked.
  • Create a one-pager for your boss when they are doing your performance review. Highlight your wins. Remind them. Make it easy on them.
    • Do what Lee Rivas told me to do. Every week, send an email with bullet points for all the things you did to help your boss and the company.
    • For the one pagers - be proactive, start with wins, results and outcomes. it's not self-promoting; it's informing. Identify 1-3 key areas where you need their support. Help them become a trusted advisor or partner.
  • Design your 1:1. Send them the topics to talk about so you can drive those discussions. Make their life easier. They have enough other things to worry about.
  • Feedback can only happen after alignment, styles, ownership, boundaries... They go in order.
  • Define your A B Cs
    • Assumptions, Behaviors, Change you want to see
  • The advancement conversation - Be open, and share what you want to do and how you can get there. My Dustyn Kim example and how I messed it up.
  • The Money conversation - You don't get a raise just because time has passed. It has to be tied to results. Don't talk about the past and what you've done. Talk about what you can do to earn the company more. Don't do the "I deserve this" thing. Bosses hate that.
  • Managing up is not kissing up. Managing up is strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives.
  • Everything changes when you understand the art and science of influencing others while keeping your own emotions and insecurities in check.
  •  “Managing up isn’t really about making your boss’s life easier. It’s about taking control of your own work experience.”
  • 10 Key Conversations:
    • The Alignment Conversation How can I get in my boss’s head to understand their needs, motivations, and goals?
    • The Styles Conversation Will I earn more respect from my manager if I get to the point quickly, or should I try swapping stories and building rapport? 
    • The Ownership Conversation How can I solve the problems that make my job frustrating? How can I seize opportunities without stepping on toes?
    • The Boundaries Conversation How do I say no and push back with tact when my manager saddles me with yet another task?
    • The Feedback Conversation How can I respectfully and effectively give my manager feedback in order to improve processes and communication?
    • The Networking Conversation How can I build other allies in the workplace? How can I turn day-to-day interactions into opportunities that open doors?
    • The Visibility Conversation How can I effectively advocate for myself and show off my strengths?
    • The Advancement Conversation What do I need to do to get to the next level? 
    • The Money Conversation When is the right time to negotiate salary? How can I make sure I am getting the compensation I deserve? 

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You have to practice some upward empathy to put yourself in their shoes, to think about from a strategic perspective.

0:08.9

So much of successfully managing up comes down to saving the people around you, cognitive energy.

0:16.8

This episode is brought to you by Insight Global.

0:23.5

Insight Global is a staffing and professional services company dedicated to being the light to the world around them. If you want to learn

0:28.6

more about the CEO, Bert Bean and Chief Revenue Officer Sam Kaufman, check out episode

0:34.9

424. We had a fantastic conversation talking about my partnership

0:41.0

with the great people at Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people,

0:46.2

or transform your business through talent or technical services, Insight Global's team of 30,000

0:53.1

people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver.

0:57.9

Hiring can be tough, but hiring the right person can be magic.

1:02.8

Visit Insightglobal.com slash learning leader today to learn more.

1:07.3

That's Insightglobal.com slash learning leader.

1:13.8

Welcome to The Learning Leader Show. I am your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being

1:21.1

here. Text Hawk to 666866 to become part of Mindful Monday.

1:31.6

You, along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from all over the world,

1:37.6

will receive a carefully curated email for me each Monday morning to help you start your week. All right.

1:38.5

You'll also receive details about how our book, The Score That Matters,

1:42.3

will help you become a more effective leader.

1:44.9

Text Hawk to 66866.

1:47.9

Now on to tonight's featured leader.

1:51.1

Melody Wilding is a professor of human behavior at Hunter College.

1:55.6

Her background as a therapist and emotions researcher informs her unique approach

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