You know, the way people deal with problems, the way people protect themselves or their relationship from problems,

backfires and becomes a prison.

Hello and welcome. I'm Shane Parish and this is the Knowledge Project. A podcast exploring the ideas, methods and mental models that help you master the best of what other people have already figured out.

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Furnham Street puts together a weekly newsletter that I think you'll love. It's called Brain Food and it comes out every Sunday, much like this podcast, it's high signal, timeless and mind expanding.

Read what you're missing at fs.blogslashnewsletter.

Today I'm speaking with Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally focused couples therapy.

She's widely regarded as one of the best, if not the best couples therapist in North America.

Sue is the author of Hold Me Tight which is hands down the best relationship book I've ever read. She followed that up with Love Sense which is also worth reading.

I must say when my friends found out I was going to interview Sue, I was flooded with emails and questions for her.

Everyone was interested in talking about relationships which was a bit unexpected for me.

Before the interview I was thinking about how I was going to structure the interview to fit all of these questions in and while I couldn't ask everything I wanted to,

the conversation is structured around the arch of a relationship from first dating and new love all the way to retirement.

We talk everything in between. We talk kids, affairs, warning signs, your relationship is in trouble and even when to call it quits.

I want to preface this conversation with the fact that this is not relationship advice for you specifically and will sue as a professional and I am clearly not.

You should seek advice from someone more close to the situation with context and specifics to you as an individual and you as a couple.

This conversation will be hard for many of you and I'm sure there's aspects of your relationship you're going to pick up on and say, see I told you and your partner is probably going to do the same.

You're both right.

So let's listen and learn how to make that conversation more productive.

Before we get started, here's a quick word from our sponsor.

This episode is sponsored by Mud. Mud is a misalat chai-based coffee alternative that improves your focus.

The four medicinal mushrooms that are in mud give you the benefits of coffee but avoid the dreaded caffeine crash.

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