Here are the top freaking habits we as women need to stop doing. Let's get into it. Stop saying yes to everyone. Guys, we all have a freaking habit. We want to be liked. We really, really do. And so when someone comes to you and asks you either for a favor or for you to go somewhere, God forbid. We say no and God forbid. they then don't like us because we said no. So what ends up happening is that three letter word just keeps coming out of our mouths. We keep saying yes to things that we actually don't wanna do. We keep saying yes to things that actually, we really, really don't wanna do. We keep saying yes to things that actually don't serve us. We keep saying yes to things that we actually dread. So how on earth do we start practicing the beautiful two letter word? No. Sometimes that two letter word is so freaking difficult for us to say. So what we do is we inadvertently just head to yes without even meaning to. So step number one in this process guys is to just make sure you're done say yes. Like literally that is where I had to start with because I couldn't even bring myself to saying no. So my first step in order to stop saying yes was to actually give myself a quick caveat and be able to take time to think about it. So what I want you to do right now guys is write a phrase that feels really good to you that gives you time to process what your

answer should be. So whether it's someone coming up to you saying, hey do you want to come

to this thing that you really don't want to go to or do you mind doing this thing that

you really don't want to do. What is that safe response that makes you feel good about

yourself that you can say in those moments that gives you some distance between when you use to say yes and where you are now and wanting to say no. What is that phrase? So for instance, here are a couple that you can use. I'm not sure, let me get back to you. All right, super sweet, super short gives you the caveat to basically get back to them so that you don't have to in real time feel petrified about saying the word no. You can even add and throw in some words like you know what I would love to but let me get back to you or that sounds fantastic but let me get back to you. Those types of little caveats that you can actually put before the other sentence,

then at least for me, someone who felt like a complete chicken that couldn't just jump

from a straight yes to going into a no, I needed those little things to be able to say.

But write down what are the ones that fit well and seem right for you just to give you

that space. Okay, now that you've been given that space, then you can actually process if you should be

saying yes to this thing. Now look, I'm not actually saying you should always just say no to something if it doesn't feel right. Sometimes you're going to sacrifice. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, the right thing as input. I believe is the right thing. So let's say for instance, can I take someone to a doctor's appointment? I don't actually want to go to the doctor's appointment but sometimes I would rather say yes to a family member because they feel supported than say no and actually save myself at the time. So it's important to sit back in this moment and actually assess, I'm not saying, say blindly no to everything. I'm just saying don't say yes because out of fear of saying no. So now you've taken this scenario. You've given yourself the space to process whether you should be saying yes to it or whether you should be saying no to it. And when I say the word should guys, I really mean is what feels right to you? How do you process what your answer needs to be? Now one thing that I'm gonna drop in, just no drop here right now, is that I would consider if you're saying yes, is it out of obligation? If you're saying yes, is it because you're worried you won't be liked? All of these little things are going to be really freaking important. So I'm going to give you a perfect example. I kept getting hit up so much

about doing things on Saturdays or doing things on Sundays where there'd be exciting events, there'd be birthday parties, there'd be these big grand events where my friends are speaking, there'd be these travel opportunities and so many things were just coming my way. And I really wanted to say yes to everything. Why? Because I want to be there. I want to show up for people. But in these moments of me always saying yes, it started to become extremely detrimental to my self-care. My gut, my health really started to deteriorate because I was given up all of my self-care time to saying yes to other people. So what I started to do is I started to distance myself between the time that someone would ask me and saying yes. So I realized I was really giving up so much of my self care. So I created this strategy where I put a space in between someone asking me something and me responding so that I could step back and take that situation and ask myself is this one of these moments where I need to put myself first? Because if I don't put myself first, can I actually show up for this person?

And in that time, in that space, it really allowed me to just look at the situation

with no emotion, with no pressure of having to say yes to other people.

And then saying, right now, what is more important?

Taking care of myself or being there for them?

And then I can just do that with clarity. And if it was taking care of myself, guys, even in my response back to them, I would do it with grace. I would say to them, thank you so much for the invite, but it actually turns out that I'm taking this time for myself because I'm really tired. Or you know what, I'm really worn out this week. And actually I'm going to take this time to really show up for myself but I hope you have a blast let me know what it's like and send me some photos that is how you don't just instinctually say yes to things and then regret them after that is how you don't instinctually say yes to things because you just want to be liked that is how you actually take a question, assess it and see what is right for you. People pleasing. That's right. How many of us live our lives every day, looking to people please. We wanna feel good about ourselves and so what do we do? We actually seek external validation. And it's the external validation when people are happy with you that make us stay exactly where we are. In fact, I'm going to give you a real world example. I was a traditional housewife. I cooked and I cleaned for my husband on the daily. And so I actually had the identity of being a good Greek wife. Now my dad gave me accolades for it. My mom gave me accolades for it. My husband gave me accolades for being a good Greek wife and so now any idea, any thought of changing life, in not being that good Greek wife and wanting to try something different, I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed because I was so attached. My validation came from people pleasing. My validation came from making other people happy. Their happiness gave me the part on the back. And so here I was so worried about letting that go that I actually didn't make any change in my life. So guys when it comes to people pleasing, it is imperative that we just acknowledge how detrimental it can actually be to the life that we want, to the dream that we want to create, to the person we want to become. It is so detrimental that we must, must, must stop people pleasing. Alright, so let me give you a real word example of how I navigated getting out of having the identity of people pleasing. I was a very good traditional Greek wife. Like I said, I would cook, I would clean for my husband. To the point guys, he would wake up in the morning and his work clothes were next to him. He would put them on, he would go to the gym, he would come back, his clean clothes were waiting by the shower, he would go to work, I would hand him a lunch bag, he would come back, his dinner was waiting for him. I was so attached to pleasing the people around me to being the good amazing Greek wife. That for eight years guys I freaking hated it. For eight years I completely dismissed the fact that I was profoundly unhappy. All because I was so worried about not pleasing people. I worried where the hell I would get all the accolades and pats on the back one. Where the hell would I get myself a steamfall? If I changed my identity of being a good Greek wife, but what I realized was, after eight years of people pleasing, I realized that it wasn't going to change. Nothing was going to change unless I took the action.

It was all on me to make the change, to stop people pleasing.

So how the hell do you do this?

Now, I'm not saying go in there and say,

screw you all, I don't care.

I don't care if I make you happy or not, I'm going to do me.

No, no, no, no, I'm not suggesting that, because let's face it guys, things like that, actually just become dismissive. And if you're trying to keep the wonderful relationship you have with the people that you were trying to please in the first place, because I'm going to assume, I'm going to assume that you are pleasing them because you care about them. Maybe that is a misconception, But let's just go down this path because at least that is how I got trapped. I really did want to please them, but it became my own trap. It became the velvet handcuffs that I put on myself and I chose to frickin' throw away the key. So now how do we unwind that? First step is acknowledging your actions. So actually I would say right now is right down the thing that you are doing that doesn't align with the what you want. So I'm going to use identity as a perfect example because that was where I was. So my identity was being the good Greek wife. I was doing that so that I could please people, did it please people? Hell yes. What were the accolades I were getting? All the pats on the back of being, of having this identity. Okay, great. Now I just have to acknowledge to the people close to me that actually this whole time it hasn't made me happy. So what I did is I actually grabbed my husband and over time I realized I hate cooking for him. I hate cleaning for him but I doesn't have any reflection of how I feel about him. So I just sat him down so take the person that you love, the person that you're trying to please sit them down and just give them the grace that maybe they don't realize that your actions have actually been detrimental to your happiness. So that's where I just started. I just said to my husband this whole time, I've been cooking and cleaning for you. Babe I love you so much. So you're feelings. I love you so much. But for the last eight years I have been cooking for you and cleaning for you and I've been utterly miserable. Now this is on me, babe I haven't vocalized the fact that this wasn't something that I wanted. I haven't told you how profoundly unhappy this has made me. But because I love you and because we have such an amazing relationship I want to be really honest about where my actions have led me and right now in me trying to be the perfect wife and make you happy has led me to being profoundly unhappy. So I was just honest. I was transparent. I didn't say it was therefore, it was my actions. But I very much addressed that this was a problem. Okay, now the next step is I told my husband the actions I was going to change because when you go from being a people pleaser and you want to change that into being the person that is proud of yourself where you show up and please yourself first that is going to cause maybe some friction because your actions are going to change and so people are going to see your actions and they're going to push back. So for me the best way in navigating, not being a people please anymore, was being very transparent over my actions and how they were going to change. So I set my husband down and I told him I was profoundly unhappy. I told him how I felt about him that my actions had no attachment to how I feel felt about him. So, I just told him with utter transparency and compassion and you know, like he was my part in crime and I was just telling him the truth about how I was feeling. And I said, honestly, by putting clothes out for you is like sucking my soul dry. This is nothing to do with you, but it's just me. It's not fulfilling anymore. And so I really don't want to put your close out. I really don't want to cook for you anymore. But how can I support you as we make this transition? That was the other, that's the last piece guys. Is giving this person that you're, you were people pleasing because you care about them. You're not making these changes in your relationship with them.

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