What it takes to forgive. Joseph forgives, that, as I've argued before, was a turning point in history because this was the first recorded act of forgiveness in literature.

It's important here to make a key distinction between forgiveness, which is a characteristic of the Judeo-Christian tradition and the appeasement of anger, which really is a human universal.

People are constantly harming others who then become angry, indignant and disrespected,

and if the offender does nothing to turn away their wrath, they will take revenge. Revenge is one way of restoring

the social order, but it's a very costly and dangerous one because it can lead to a circle of

retaliation that has no natural stopping point. One of my family offends one of your family,

think of the Montague's and Capulets or the

Corleonis and the Tatalias. So one of your family takes revenge which one of my family must retaliate

for the sake of family honour and so it goes sometimes for generations. The cost is often so great

that it's in everyone's interest to find a way of

stopping the cycle. That is universal. It exists in every human group and some non-human ones as well.

So the general way of bringing this kind of conflict to an end is what the ancient Greeks called

Sunnome, often translated as forgiveness,

but which actually, as David Constan shows in his masterly book before forgiveness,

actually means something like pardon, appeasement, a willingness to make allowances,

or accept an excuse, or grant an indulgence.

The end result is the victim foregoes revenge. The offender doesn't atone. Instead, he or she makes some kind of plea in mitigation. I couldn't help it.

It wasn't that bad. It's human nature. I got carried away. In addition, the offender must show in words or body language some form of

humility or submission. One classic example in the terror is Jacob's conduct towards Esau,

when they meet again after more than 20 years, during which time Jacob had been away in the home

of Laban. He knew that Esau felt wronged by him and had

declared his intention to take revenge after their father Isaac had died, and that's why Jacob

...