Near a market to live near to live.

This is the final episode of John Dillon from the beginning.

As I said in the introduction, one of the things that's really defined your work in Mormon

stories is that you have very publicly lived your feelings about the church.

In some respects, that's been a criticism.

It's like, well, what's John, you know, had a John feel about the church now, you know?

So you start from that place.

So let's talk me through these phases.

So 2005, you're very naive and optimistic that if you just, you can disinfect all the

church with sunlight.

And at what point are you starting to be worn down by it and furious about it?

Yeah.

I don't have the timeline really solid in my mind.

I would need to go back.

But I can't tell you that I, during those early years, I took Mormon stories down at

least twice.

I don't know if you know this, but I literally took it off the internet twice because I was

feeling so overwhelmed by the pain.

I was scared of being actually communicated at some points.

I was wanting to go to graduate school and scared that if I applied to BYU, they might

not accept me.

Like, during different points, I was terrified and scared or overwhelmed by all the pain and

...