#559: How to Handle Difficult Conversations

The Art of Manliness

Society & Culture, Education, Philosophy

4.7 • 14.5K Ratings

🗓️ 11 November 2019

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Asking for a raise. Disagreeing with your boss. Telling your neighbor that their dog's barking is bothering you. Talking about money with your spouse. Debating politics with a friend. These are all difficult conversations fraught with anxiety, anger, and awkwardness. Many people just avoid them, but my guest says that with the right framework, you can handle even the most pitfall-laden exchanges. Her name is Sheila Heen, she's spent twenty years developing negotiation theory and practice as part of the Harvard Negotiation Project, and she's one of the co-authors of the book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Sheila starts things off by sharing the most common difficult conversations people encounter professionally and personally and the most common unhelpful ways people deal with them. She then explains how every difficult conversation actually has three hidden conversations going on, how people confuse the impact of what others say and do with their intentions, how you can acknowledge your contribution to a problem without assuming the blame, how to share your emotions without being emotional, and how to generally move a conversation from being about combative confrontation, to being about exploring each other's stories. Get the show notes at aom.is/difficultconversations.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Bred McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast, asking for
0:11.7	a raise.
0:12.7	Disagreen with your boss, telling your neighbor that their dog's barking is bothering you,
0:16.5	talking about money with your spouse, debating politics with a friend.
0:19.9	These are all examples of difficult conversations fraught with anxiety, anger, and awkwardness.
0:24.4	Many people just avoid them.
0:25.8	My guest today says the right framework, you can handle even the most pitfall-laden
0:29.5	exchanges.
0:30.5	Her name is Sheila Hien.
0:31.5	She's spent 20 years developing negotiation theory and practice as part of the Harvard
0:34.8	Negotiation Project, and she's one of the co-authors of the book, Difficult Conversations,
0:38.7	How to Discuss What Matters Most.
0:40.5	Sheila starts things off by sharing the most common difficult conversations people encounter
0:43.9	professionally and personally, and the most common unhelpful ways people deal with them.
0:48.0	She then explains how every devil conversation actually has three hidden conversations going
0:51.9	on, how people confuse the impact of what others say and do with their intentions, how you
0:55.8	can acknowledge your contribution to a problem without assuming the blame, how to share your
0:59.6	emotions without being emotional, and how to generally move a conversation from being
1:03.1	about combative confrontation to be about exploring each other's stories.
1:06.6	After the show's over, check out our show notes at a-wim.is slash difficult conversations.
1:11.7	Sheila joins in now via clearcast.io.
1:24.3	Sheila Hien, welcome to the show.
	...

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