5220 Breaking Up with Self-Destructive Girlfriend? Freedomain Call In
Freedomain with Stefan Molyneux
Stefan Molyneux
4.7 • 2.4K Ratings
🗓️ 13 July 2023
⏱️ 193 minutes
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Summary
I'm in an extremely toxic relationship about to have children
I need your help so I do not make the biggest mistake of my life - to have kids with the wrong woman and destroy the lives of the children. We are completely toxic for each other but for some reason, I love her and want to have 6-7 kids together. I need you to please talk me out of it.
We've been dating for almost 7 years and have been talking a lot about having children soon. However this year alone we've "broken up" 15 times. Two months ago she went to kill herself 3 or 4 times, leaving me goodbye letters and then I have to go looking for her to stop her.
Every time it's the same situation she decides to break up with me. She becomes possessed and completely dead with no emotion and treats me like I'm not even human. I fight for her to stay she fights back that she doesn't see a future together. Then I tell her to leave and ignore her a few hours or days later she's the most feminine loving and caring woman ever, telling me she loves me and wants to be with me and begging me to take her back. And as an idiot, I take her back until a week or a few weeks later she breaks up again.
This happened again 10 days ago on a Sunday. She started packing her things and moving to go live with her father a few hours away. I told her to go and the next day I come home she greets me all happy and feminine, jumps on me and tells me she loves me and we decide she will go live with her father for a month so we have some time to figure things out. I send her off to the station and we have breakfast and she tells me she loves me.
Then yesterday morning we were planning a holiday together and she loves me. A few minutes later she tells me she wants to break up to which I say "okay". She proceeds to call me multiple times and send me 30 texts. I ignore it mostly and then at night she messages me, we talk past midnight and we "made up", she tells me how much she loves me and wants to come back as soon as possible. We're happy and in love.
This morning we're happy and she tells me when she's coming back and 5 minutes later she tells me that she's not coming back and wants to break up. I call her, again no emotion in her voice.. no sadness.. I told her this will be the last time she ever hears my voice and i tried to get some closure but it was going nowhere so I told her I'm done and I wish the best for her. She tells me she still loves me and cares about me but doesn't see a future with me. And I hang up.
I'm writing to you because this has happened dozens of times and I know that tonight or tomorrow I will get messages or calls telling me she loves me and wants to come back and how she wants to kill herself. And I know that when she cries and tells me she loves me and wants to come back I will take her back AGAIN.. and then again and again and we will have children and then the same shit will keep going with kids around and the kids will have to be traumatised.
Please Stef, talk me out of taking her back. I desperately need you to give me the strength to end this cursed cycle and not have children with this woman.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Got it, got it. Okay. Do you want to start off by reading me what you wrote or do you want to just talk about it? What's your pleasure? |
| 0:10.2 | I think I'd prefer to just talk about it. Yeah, I'm all ears, man. But what's going on? |
| 0:18.2 | I just so |
| 0:22.0 | I'm going to start |
| 0:24.0 | We've been dating for |
| 0:28.0 | six and a half years, something like that. |
| 0:32.0 | We were each other's first, first everything. First boyfriend, first kiss, first sex. |
| 0:38.0 | And we even moved in together to the UK. |
| 0:43.0 | We met, so we used to live in the same town back in Eastern Europe. I don't want to say what the country is, but |
| 0:49.0 | for the past two or three years, our relationship just, I don't know, started around COVID, everything went so toxic. |
| 1:02.0 | It's just a constant cycle of breaking up, getting back together a week later, getting, separating, getting back together. |
| 1:10.0 | And as I stated in the email just in 2023, we've done it at least 15 times, but now the last probably 10 days. |
| 1:19.0 | We've broken up three times and gotten back together and the cycle is the same every single time. So we're happy, we're happy. |
| 1:31.0 | And then one day to use the morning, she comes to me, she says we need to talk and she says, I'm not happy. I want to leave. |
| 1:42.0 | And just an argument starts. I try to convince her that everything's going to be fine. |
| 1:47.0 | But then it's like a switch flips. The person I know is not there anymore. I can talk into a terminator. I don't know how to explain, but all humanity is gone. There's no emotion, nothing there. |
| 2:00.0 | And then I just say, fine, leave. You know, since we live together, say, okay, you can pack your things, you can leave. Let's do it. |
| 2:09.0 | And then I ignore her for a day or two, even though we live together and then she becomes the nicest, most feminine, loving person. |
| 2:19.0 | I come back home, she's jumping on me, on the door. She has written me love letters, promising that everything is going to be fine. Am I going to take her back? |
| 2:29.0 | And every time I've been like, yeah, sure, we can do this. We can work through it. |
| 2:34.0 | And I'm calling you this time because for the past maybe two months, we've been seriously talking about having kids that, as I said in the email, we want to have six or seven kids. |
| 2:47.0 | But I really need you to, I can't have this with kids around. I can't put them to this shit. I'm sorry if I'm swearing. |
... |
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