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Thanks for listening to The Nocturnist's shame in medicine, The Lost Forest.

If this is your first time tuning in, I recommend that you rewind and start at episode one.

This is a series that builds on itself over time, so we think that starting at the beginning

will offer the richest listening experience for you. Enjoy the show.

When I was a medical student on my surgery rotation, every time I went into the OR, I felt like I was being watched. There's this very involved scrubbing process where you have to wash your hands down to your elbows

and then put on a gown in a very specific way and then twirl and have it be tied and snapped

in a certain way.

And as I went through these motions, it felt like the scrub nurses were watching me like hawks and just waiting for me to make a mistake.

And when I did make a mistake, even a small one, like just stepping an inch too close to a tray of

instruments or bumping my butt against something, they would tell me to go outside and try again.

Go outside, try again.

And then once you're in the operating

room, you're surrounded by these men. They're shooting the shit, talking to each other, over

this anesthetized patient. And sometimes it's a good natured sort of poking fun at each other,

but sometimes even the attending would say demeaning things to his learners.

People would laugh, but I'm not sure they really liked it. And my instinct was just to be as small

as I could. And so that's my headspace when the attending turns to me and says, medical student,

sew this wound, and he hands me a needle.

...