Ethical mindfulness, written by Dave Smith, narrated by Graham Dunlop, edited by Darren Grimes.

Introduction. Since the day I first learned that I could bring my attention out of my thinking mind and into my breathing body, my life has never been the same.

Previously, I had no idea I could find freedom from the world of my own thoughts and the emotions they produced.

Hearing the core teachings of Buddhism gave me an immediate and transformative shift in how I viewed what it means to be alive.

The radical notion that everything I needed was inside of me. I had the power to free myself from suffering.

I was in and I yearned to learn more. 20 years has passed since I first encountered mindfulness in Buddhism, and I've had varying degrees of success both as a mindfulness practitioner and as a Buddhist.

Many times I've found myself in the middle of a paradox between gratitude and disappointment.

Being tremendously grateful for the tools and practices I was taught, while at the same time disappointed for the amount of work I had to do in order to feel some degree of contentment within my life.

As a recovering addict and a survivor of complex trauma, I've lived most of my life with symptoms of PTSD, ADD, hypervigilance, and many unconscious denial strategies that come with trauma and addiction.

Like many of us, I've suffered a lot. At the age of 11, my older sister was killed in a car accident on the way to school. Nobody ever really talked to me about that. When I was 19, my girlfriend and I were walking together when we were hit by a drunk driver.

She was killed on impact, leaving me behind to discover the body.

While living in Amsterdam at 28, I found myself strung out on alcohol and other drugs, sex, and prostitution.

I had fulfilled my life's dream of rock and roll stardom only to witness it all come crashing down. Heartbroken and disappointed, I headed back home to live in my mom and dad's.

After five successful years of diligently working the 12 steps, I had built a home, a business, and married a girl who was also in recovery.

I found myself living the good life that we hear about in recovery rooms. After relocating to Nashville, Tennessee, my wife relapsed, told me she didn't love me anymore, and moved out.

I was devastated. Five years later, she was murdered. The case is still unsolved.

During that time, I turned to mindfulness practice with a vengeance. I also found refuge and safety within 12-step communities.

I've spent the last six years working with youth and adults in addiction treatment and prison system environments.

I began teaching mindfulness tools that I learned and shared my experience with those who were open to a message of possibilities and inner freedom.

Mindfulness meditation has saved my life on more than one occasion. Nevertheless, mindfulness practice alone has been unable to heal the entirety of my suffering.

As I have been able to find a degree of ease and contentment within my own mind, my heart continues to ache.

The development of ethics and heart practice meditations have become the fertile ground in which my heart is healing.

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