464: How to Keep Friendships From Imploding | Esther Perel
10% Happier with Dan Harris
10% Media, LLC
4.6 • 12.2K Ratings
🗓️ 22 June 2022
⏱️ 53 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
“The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.”
These words from the legendary Esther Perel have the power to genuinely change your outlook on life. But while it’s easy to hear them and immediately have your mind go to family relationships or romantic relationships, today we’re going to talk about friendships. Friendships can be massive contributors to mental health. They can also, when they go pear-shaped, be the source of abundant misery.
Today’s guest is the legendary Esther Perel. Her resume is beyond impressive: She is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of books such as Mating in Captivity. Her TED talk has attracted more than 30 million views. She is fluent in nine languages. She is the host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? And her latest project is called Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel.
In this episode we talk about:
- How the pandemic has impacted our friendships
- Esther’s contention that “love and commitment and intimacy don’t just belong to the world of romantic couples”
- What makes friendship unique, in good ways and tricky ways
- What to consider when determining whether to confront a difficulty in a friendship
- How to conduct a self-assessment of yourself as a friend
- How systematic we should be about cultivating and maintaining our friendships
- How to reconnect with friends authentically
- Whether or not we can have platonic friendships across the gender spectrum
- How to handle friendships when you’re in a romantic relationship, including friendships you share, friendships with those with whom your partner doesn’t get along, and friendships with exes
Content warning: There are some brief references to sensitive topics, including suicide.
*Esther Perel invites you and a colleague to apply for a session with her that will be part of the new season of her podcast How's Work? Her team is looking for work pairs, co-founders, colleagues, managers, or any combination to join her for a session to explore the future of work together. Apply here.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is the 10% happier podcast. |
| 0:06.6 | I'm Dan Harris. |
| 0:09.0 | Hey, hey, if you're listening to this show odds are that you are interested in getting |
| 0:16.5 | happier or at least being less unhappy. |
| 0:20.1 | The human animal engages in all kinds of endeavors both wise and unwise, scientifically validated |
| 0:26.7 | or thoroughly debunked in order to boost happiness or reduce its opposite. |
| 0:33.0 | But often in this pursuit, we overlook the variable that is probably the most important |
| 0:39.2 | when it comes to psychological flourishing. |
| 0:41.2 | And that is other people. |
| 0:44.5 | As my guest today once told me and this is an utterance that has genuinely changed |
| 0:49.0 | my outlook on life, the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your |
| 0:54.7 | life. |
| 0:55.7 | Okay, so it's easy to hear this and to immediately have your mind go to family relationships |
| 1:01.1 | or romantic relationships. |
| 1:02.8 | But today we're going to talk about the kind of relationship that I suspect. |
| 1:05.8 | Many of us may not approach as intentionally or systematically as we do family and romance. |
| 1:14.5 | And that is friendship. |
| 1:16.4 | Friendship can be a massive contributor to mental health. |
| 1:19.1 | It can also, when it goes pear-shaped, be the source of abundant misery. |
| 1:24.8 | My guest today is the legendary Esther Perel. |
| 1:27.2 | Her resume is beyond impressive, psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author of books |
| 1:32.0 | such as Maiding and Captivity, Ted Tucker with more than 30 million views, fluent in nine |
... |
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