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The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

428: Overcoming Self-Hatred with Dr. Blaise Aguirre

The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

Robert Duff, Ph.D.

Health & Fitness, Robertduff, Education, Duffthepsych, Mental Health, Psychology, Selfhelp, Advice, Drduff

4.6 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 24 January 2025

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In today’s episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with world-renowned psychiatrist, author, and DBT expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre to tackle the complex topic of self-hatred. As a pioneer in the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and adolescent mental health at McLean Hospital, Dr. Aguirre offers a compassionate and illuminating perspective on how self-hatred forms, why it’s so persistent, and how we can work toward healing.

Dr. Aguirre explains why self-hatred is often learned early in life through invalidating experiences and abusive environments and why it differs from self-criticism or depression. He introduces practical tools to break free from self-loathing, such as identifying its roots, recognizing toxic relationships, and taking steps to separate identity from these damaging beliefs.

We also discuss the challenges of treating patients with self-hatred, the transformative power of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and how his latest book, I Hate Myself, provides a groundbreaking resource for those suffering from this deeply ingrained struggle.

If you’ve ever wrestled with feelings of unworthiness or struggled to overcome negative beliefs about yourself, this episode is packed with strategies, hope, and actionable advice to help you move toward a healthier relationship with yourself.

Chapters:

00:15 — Introduction: Meet Dr. Blaise Aguirre
02:00 — From Philosophy to Psychiatry: Dr. Aguirre’s Career Path
07:30 — Understanding Self-Hatred: How It Develops and Why It Persists
15:00 — The Role of Validation in Parenting and Mental Health
20:45 — The DBT Approach: Why Skills-Based Therapy Works for BPD and Self-Hatred
27:00 — Breaking Down Self-Hatred: Separating It from the Self
34:20 — Overcoming Self-Hatred: Practical Tools and Steps for Healing
40:15 — The Importance of Compassionate Treatment in Mental Health Care
45:00 — A Sneak Peek Into I Hate Myself
50:20 — What Parents and Caregivers Need to Know
57:00 — Dr. Aguirre’s Final Thoughts on Healing and Hope

About the Podcast

I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My mission is to break down complex mental health topics into relatable, actionable advice. On this podcast, we dive deep into mental health, personal development, and the strategies that help us thrive. Each episode features expert interviews, practical tips, and answers to listener questions, all designed to help you live a healthier, more fulfilled life.

Guest Links:

Connect With Me:

Sponsored By:

This episode is brought to you by NoCD, a leading provider of virtual therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If intrusive thoughts and compulsions are impacting your daily life, NoCD offers specialized Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn more at www.nocd.com.

Hope you find this conversation as inspiring and thought-provoking as I did! Don’t forget to share your thoughts and takeaways in the comments.

Tags:

#MentalHealth #SelfHatred #BlaiseAguirre #DBT #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #Parenting #Mindfulness #SelfHelp

Transcript

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0:00.0

We rarely blame patients when they fail their cancer treatment or their asthma treatment or their diabetes treatment.

0:06.0

But with BPD, we often blame the patient.

0:09.0

And it's just, I think it's inhumane, really.

0:12.0

I saw a lot of recidivism in terms of like a lot of kids that would come in to our program

0:20.0

would do a lot better, would get discharged,

0:23.7

but then they'd come back afterwards.

0:25.5

And, you know, it got me thinking, like, what is going on?

0:29.3

They said it in a way that that was supposedly humorous, but it wasn't to me.

0:33.4

If you see someone with Borlaan personality disorder, run.

0:36.7

And I just thought like, but what if

0:38.4

you had someone with cancer? What if you had someone with, you know, HIV? What if you had someone

0:42.2

with other chronic medical conditions that were really suffering? Why would you run, you know? And I thought

0:47.5

that not only does the patient not know what to do, but we as clinicians don't know what to do

0:52.3

necessarily with these patients. I said, okay, we're not going to lock doors, we're not going to have quiet rooms,

0:57.0

you're not going to inject people, we're not going to strap people down.

1:00.0

Now, in 18 years we've had fewer than four restraints.

1:05.0

We haven't injected anyone. We don't lock our doors.

1:08.0

And so what happens is when you deliver compassionate treatment, for someone who's hungry for

1:13.7

compassionate treatment, they get better.

1:16.0

I never thought of writing about self-hatred, except that the people who I cared about so

1:21.1

deeply wanted to die.

1:24.1

I didn't want them to die, you know, so maybe it was selfish on my part because I didn't want these lovely human beings to die. And more importantly, I didn't want them to die. I didn't want them to die, you know? So maybe it was selfish on my part because I didn't want these lovely human beings to die. I am more importantly, I didn't want them to suffer

...

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