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The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

422: Charles Duhigg on Becoming a Supercommunicator

The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

Robert Duff, Ph.D.

Health & Fitness, Robertduff, Education, Duffthepsych, Mental Health, Psychology, Selfhelp, Advice, Drduff

4.6 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 22 November 2024

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In today's episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and best-selling author Charles Duhigg to explore the science of effective communication and its profound impact on our personal and professional lives. Charles shares insights from his latest book, Supercommunicators: Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, delving into how skills like empathy, active listening, and understanding different types of conversations can transform the way we connect with others.

Our conversation uncovers the neurological underpinnings of communication, including the concept of neural entrainment and the matching principle. We discuss practical strategies for improving communication in various contexts—from personal relationships to the workplace—and address common pitfalls people face, such as social anxiety and miscommunication. Whether you're looking to enhance your relationships, become a better listener, or navigate tough conversations with ease, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you on your journey.

Chapters:

00:15 — Introduction: Meet Charles Duhigg

03:00 — From Business to Journalism: Charles's Unconventional Path

08:00 — The Power of Storytelling in Communication

11:45 — Understanding the Science Behind Effective Communication

14:00 — The Three Types of Conversations: Practical, Emotional, Social

17:00 — The Matching Principle: Aligning Conversations for Connection

21:00 — Diagnosing and Matching Conversation Types

24:00 — Looping for Understanding: A Technique for Better Listening

28:00 — Common Communication Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

31:00 — Empathy Without Mimicry: Connecting Without Oversharing

34:00 — Real-World Examples: Doctors, Therapists, and Effective Communication

38:00 — Advice for Introverts and Those with Social Anxiety

44:00 — The Power of Asking Questions in Social Settings

47:00 — Overview of 'Supercommunicators' and Its Practical Applications

51:00 — Navigating Tough Conversations: Tips and Strategies

54:00 — A Challenge for Listeners: Reconnecting with Someone

57:30 — Closing Thoughts and Where to Find Charles's Work

Hope you find this enlightening conversation as engaging as I did! Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

About the Podcast

I'm Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My mission is to break down complex mental health topics into relatable, actionable advice. On this podcast, we dive deep into mental health, personal development, and the strategies that help us thrive. Each episode is a mix of expert interviews, practical tips, and answers to listener questions, all aimed at helping you live a healthier, more fulfilled life.

Guest Links:

Connect With Me:

#MentalHealth #EffectiveCommunication #CharlesDuhigg #SelfHelp #Supercommunicators #PersonalDevelopment #ListeningSkills #SocialAnxiety

Transcript

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0:00.0

You can be the smartest person on earth and the most trustworthy person on earth.

0:03.6

But if you don't know how to communicate that, if you don't know how to connect with another person,

0:10.2

you know, quickly and easily, then all of that is for naught because we won't feel that sense of connection

0:17.3

that really allows us to create bonds.

0:20.3

When we actually do connect with each other,

0:22.6

our brains and our bodies change. In this conversation, for instance, without us realizing it,

0:29.1

our breath patterns are becoming similar. Our heart rates are becoming similar. Depending on the

0:34.6

lighting and the room that you're in the lighting I'm in, our pupils will start dilating at the same rate.

0:40.3

And more importantly, if we could see inside our heads like these researchers could with scans,

0:45.3

we would see that as we go through this conversation, our thoughts, our neural activity becomes more and more similar.

0:52.3

In fact, at some point it will synchronize. So the first

0:56.0

skill is is trying to determine what kind of conversation we're in by asking these deep questions,

1:02.0

which means we're usually not asking about the facts of someone's life, we're asking how they feel about their life.

1:08.0

Then when they say something, what the next skill that's really important in

1:13.4

communication is not only listening to them, but showing them that we are listening to them.

1:19.1

People who are super communicators again and again and again throughout their days is that they

1:24.5

tend to ask 10 to 20 times as many questions as the average person.

1:29.8

Really?

1:30.7

Yeah.

1:31.1

And some of those questions are like, we don't even register them as questions.

1:34.0

It's a lot easier than people think it is, right?

1:37.1

And we all know that because we have those conversations and beforehand, we're kind of like,

...

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