I signed up to volunteer with the 4-year-olds at church one Sunday, and about ten minutes into the class, I started looking at the clock and wondering how much longer until the class was over.

Let's be super clear: I love children. I have six of my own, but I am certain being a preschool teacher or working with young kids is not my gift.  

Maybe it's because I think about germs way too much. Maybe it's because I prefer adult talk. Maybe it's because I always feel like I need a nap afterward. I just know that I was not the person who was made to volunteer in a class full of beautiful, precious children.

I have good friends who love serving in that position, so I am going cheer them on and I will find somewhere else to serve. Also, I don't feel guilty about it - I just know that it's not for me.

That's a boundary I have put in place. Anytime someone asks me to volunteer with little ones, I politely (and respectfully) decline.

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Boundaries are important for every woman, but they are especially important when you love someone who struggles with addiction or who drinks too much.

Here are four helpful boundaries you should put in place:

Your words can't change him. Surrender the desire to fix him. Change your expectations. He is sick.

Transfer all the energy you used to put into worrying or working yourself up over his bad mood and use that energy for yourself. Self-care is the best way to heal.

Be kind to yourself. Be your biggest advocate. Self-compassion allows you to be compassionate with others.

Practice good boundaries. It's okay if he calls and you don't want to answer. You're not at his beck and call. You can let it go to voicemail and you can block his number.

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If you're struggling with boundaries and are not sure where to start or how to enforce them, we have a course called Love Over Boundaries created just for women who love an alcoholic or someone suffering with addiction.

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