382: Summer Series: Why Codependency Is Controlling & How To Heal It
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 31 August 2023
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense).
But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife's love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy.
Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I'm giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, "I'm codependent. Now what?"
Listen to discover:
-
How we improve our relationships with others when we're codependent
-
Why this is different than intentional or abusive control
-
Five steps to break the pattern of codependency
-
Why realizing you're codependent isn't a bad thing
If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren't trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life...one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self!
"We're controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place." - Michelle Chalfant
"We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That's how it's manipulative and controlling." - Michelle Chalfant
"We need someone who can fact check us." - Michelle Chalfant
"That's why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day." - Michelle Chalfant
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hello, hello, my friends! Happy end of summer. Kind of crazy, I know. We are here on this final |
| 0:08.1 | day of August. And I am running the last show of our summer series, which is about codependency, |
| 0:16.4 | one of my faves, you know. And today is about why codependency is controlling and how to heal it. |
| 0:23.9 | Now, I want you to know, when I use the word controlling, I don't mean abusive control by any |
| 0:30.8 | means or intentional control, but it is controlling. And I talk all about that. This show is actually |
| 0:38.3 | inspired by someone that wrote in asking the question, he had kind of woken up around the fact that |
| 0:45.0 | he was codependent and he was controlling in his relationship. And he says, oh my goodness, |
| 0:49.2 | what do I do now? So this beautiful, beautiful human wrote in and it was very vulnerable and asked |
| 0:55.8 | some questions around it. And that is what the show is all about. So I go into how do you improve |
| 1:02.4 | your relationship? If you realize, wow, I've been the one that is codependent. And also I give you |
| 1:08.6 | five steps on how to break the pattern of codependency. And here's the thing, it's all about realizing |
| 1:15.6 | that we're codependent, but not blaming ourselves. It's not a bad thing. I remember when I realized |
| 1:21.2 | this with myself, I thought, oh my goodness, is this horrible? Now that I realize I'm codependent, |
| 1:26.0 | I've been showing up in this way, it's not. And I talked to you all about that too. This was |
| 1:30.8 | such a good, good show. So I'm delighted to run it again for you. All right, you guys, we're going to |
| 1:36.7 | jump, jump right in and enjoy the show. And I will see you next week for a brand new episode of |
| 1:43.9 | The Adult Chair. Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, and human |
| 1:50.4 | just like you, learning to navigate life challenges. With over 25 years experience, I teach people how |
| 1:56.9 | to get healthy using the adult chair model. The adult chair model is where simple psychology meets |
| 2:02.9 | grounded spirituality. And it teaches us how to become healthy adults. From anxiety and depression |
| 2:09.9 | to codependency and relationship issues, you can use the adult chair for just about anything. |
| 2:15.9 | Each week, I share practical tips, tools and advice from myself and a wide range of experts on |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Michelle Chalfant, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Michelle Chalfant and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.