379: Summer Series: Enmeshment, Codependency & Boundaries with Dr. Ken Adams
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 10 August 2023
⏱️ 56 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Do you ever feel like you're being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you're second fiddle to your partner's parents?
If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).
In today's episode, I'm bringing back one of your favorite guests, Dr. Ken Adams, to talk about the important topic of enmeshment – and let me tell you, he is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!
When I knew we were bringing Dr. Adams back, I asked The Adult Chair® community what you wanted to know about enmeshment, and I was flooded with questions! So, I used this time with Dr. Adams to ask him YOUR questions – everything from the difference between codependency and enmeshment to what to do if your spouse is enmeshed with his or her family to how to let go as an enmeshed parent.
I know you guys are so excited to have Dr. Adams back and to get your questions answered, and I am too!
Listen to discover:
-
The line between being caring and enmeshment
-
The difference between codependency and enmeshment
-
What to do if you come from an enmeshed family or your spouse's family is enmeshed
-
How to manage guilt when stepping out of an enmeshed system
-
What a healthy family looks like
-
How different cultural norms can foster enmeshment
-
Tips for enmeshed parents who want to change their pattern of relating to their children or who are struggling with letting go
The key to recognizing enmeshment is to understand that it's a connection bound by guilt. It goes beyond being caring and even beyond being codependent to the point of obligation, anger and being accused of disloyalty if you don't follow the family system.
These feelings of guilt can make it difficult to set boundaries, but if you stay in your Adult, sit with your emotions and hold those boundaries, freedom – and possibly a much healthier family overall – is waiting for you on the other side.
"In those enmeshed systems, dependency is built on obligation and loyalty is driven by guilt." - Dr. Ken Adams
"Autonomy and separateness feel like disloyalty." - Dr. Ken Adams
"Sometimes outsiders are viewed suspiciously, which includes your spouse." - Dr. Ken Adams
"Both partners are responsible for keeping out intrusions". - Dr. Ken Adams
"Sometimes the guilt is a representation that you're doing the right thing." - Dr. Ken Adams
"You don't let the guilt stop you from continuing the boundaries in that relationship." - Michelle Chalfant
"It's really building up self-worth around who am I now…who am I really underneath these masks that my parents put on me." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Ken Adams Website
https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/
Episode #256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/256/
Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/
Find an Adult Chair® Coach
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the 2024 Waitlist!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.5 | Hello, hello, and happy second week of August. |
| 0:05.5 | We are here with another episode for our podcast summer series. |
| 0:09.2 | I have pulled a really good one out of the archives for you guys today. |
| 0:13.9 | This is enmeshment, codependency, and boundaries with Dr. Ken Adams. |
| 0:21.2 | Ooh, this was a great show. |
| 0:24.2 | These are questions that you guys write in about on a regular basis. |
| 0:29.5 | I thought, let me pull this show and give you this one again, |
| 0:33.1 | because oh my gosh, we had such a great conversation around these three hot topics. |
| 0:38.1 | And I want to remind you, if you have any sort of questions or you're wanting to work through |
| 0:45.3 | one of these issues, if not all three, because quite often these three are tied together, |
| 0:50.9 | don't forget, we've got some incredible adult chair coaches. |
| 0:54.8 | Head on over to theadultchair.com forward slash coach, |
| 0:58.0 | and you can check out all of our amazing adult chair coaches. |
| 1:02.8 | All right, here we go with the show. |
| 1:05.4 | Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, |
| 1:09.2 | and human just like you, learning to navigate life challenges. |
| 1:13.6 | With over 25 years experience, I teach people how to get healthy using the adult chair model. |
| 1:19.6 | The adult chair model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality, |
| 1:24.3 | and it teaches us how to become healthy adults. |
| 1:28.0 | From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues, |
| 1:31.9 | you can use the adult chair for just about anything. |
| 1:35.6 | Each week, I share practical tips, tools and advice, |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Michelle Chalfant, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Michelle Chalfant and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.