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10% Happier with Dan Harris

372: The Science of Making and Keeping Friends | Robin Dunbar

10% Happier with Dan Harris

10% Media, LLC

Dan Harris, Health & Fitness, Mindfulness, Dharma, Mental Health, Meditation

4.612.2K Ratings

🗓️ 31 October 2022

⏱️ 58 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Friendship might not necessarily be something you’ve considered to be an urgent psychological and physiological issue. One thing we explore a lot on the show is that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life, and sadly, in many ways, it’s harder than ever to make and keep friends. With loneliness and disconnection on the rise, our society just wasn’t constructed for social connection, and recent data suggests we’re in a friendship crisis, with many of us reporting that we have fewer close friendships than ever.


Our guest today is Robin Dunbar, an Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University and the author of numerous books on the development of homo sapiens. Dunbar is perhaps best known for formulating “Dunbar's number,” which is a measurement of the number of relationships our brain is capable of maintaining at any one time. He is a world-renowned expert on human relationships, and has a ton of fascinating research findings and practical tips for upping your friendship game.


In this conversation, we dive into the science behind human relationships, the upsides and downsides of maintaining friendships on social media, the viability of friendships across gender lines, and what science says you can do to compensate if you feel you are currently lacking in close friendships. 



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Transcript

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0:00.0

This is the 10% happier podcast.

0:05.9

I'm Dan Harris.

0:07.9

Hey, everybody.

0:11.9

I hope you'll humor me for a brief personal anecdote here.

0:16.1

A little over a year ago, I had a couple of significant life events.

0:20.0

The first thing was that I turned 50, which is often an occasion to reflect on the course

0:25.4

of your life.

0:26.4

Everything was that I retired from the news business, which had dominated my life for about

0:30.8

30 years.

0:32.6

When I was an acroman, I basically worked seven days a week for decades, particularly

0:37.1

in the final 10 years of my tenure at ABC News, where I was anchoring the weekend edition

0:43.7

of Good Morning America while trying to build my little 10% happier empire during the week.

0:50.7

Long way of saying I was really busy and I made the grave error of letting a lot of

0:55.3

my friendships lapse.

0:58.0

They didn't go away per se.

0:59.0

I didn't lose any friends, but the friendships atrophied a little bit because I wasn't around

1:04.2

that much and I wasn't making it a priority.

1:07.0

But then when I experienced the aforementioned twin life events of turning 50 and retiring

1:12.9

from the news, it hit me very hard that I now had empty stretches of time in my calendar

1:18.8

and that I had failed to prioritize a part of my life that was really important to me.

1:22.8

So I have subsequently made a huge effort along, of course, with my wife of jump-starting

1:28.0

old friendships and creating new ones.

...

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