Regular regular regular features, a regular regular regular features.

A regular regular features are regular features, the show.

Hello and welcome to regular features.

The space podcast, that's exactly the same, every 152ndth of an orbit around the sun.

And like every 152nd, thudden orbit around the sun, we're hiding inside of our secret moon base on Phobos, the larger of Mars's two moons.

My name is Nebula Steve, and this week I'm joined by my best friend and great, great, great, grandson, Cosmic Log, who got stuck at light speed near a black hole and accidentally stayed the same age for 100 million years, except in reverse.

Say hello, Cosmic Log.

Good evening, Steve, my gorgeous ancestor. It's a pleasure to be here with you once again in space.

Now Cosmic Log, I've heard you've been sucking off space aliens around the back of a crater for chips.

Is that true?

Well, my weakness for hot Venusian spoon is a matter of public record, Steve. I make no bones about that.

What do you make bones about, Log? Well, I make bones about three times a week when I zap aliens with my heat ray,

turning them into charred skeletons that hold their shape

for a moment before falling to the floor in a pile of ash.

Are those the same aliens that you suck off or are those different aliens?

The aliens I murder with my heat ray are the very same aliens I suck off.

They are special kinky aliens who move backwards through time instead of forwards like

we do, and they can only get off by being murdered seconds after having sex, which to their

perspective happens right before they've offloaded their alien gamete tubes into my mouth.

It's, it's timey whiny, wibblyobbly stuff. You probably wouldn't understand.

Yesterday I coughed up some chrono-spunk from a blowjob I won't give for another two weeks.

And don't get me started on the state of my Google Calendar.

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