Hi everyone and welcome back to Binge. I'm Peyton Morelin and this week's story is a listener-suggested case.

And it also continues last week's theme of sexualized stabbing, which is a thing. It's a thing both overtly and subconsciously.

Subconsciously in that when a male stabs a woman during an act of sexual violence, the stabbing itself is an act of penetration, more violent than the forceful sexual penetration of rape.

And sometimes it's a substitute for sexual penetration. Like in last week's case, the killer initially wasn't able to achieve what he wanted and the frustration and insecurity and or shame.

Whatever he was feeling in his messed up brain turned to rage and only after he stabbed his victim several times with a knife was he able to do initially what he had planned to do.

But this is true crime. And sometimes stabbing is a lot more patently sexual. Sometimes and quite rarely I would imagine stabbing is the fetish in itself, where one fantasizes about or is turned on by and gets off on the act of stabbing.

And there's an element of this in today's story so let's just jump right in.

Elaine O'Hara just wanted love. She wanted to feel desired. She wanted a man to look at her in the way they looked at other women with the kind of attention other women received, but not her.

She didn't want to spend the rest of her life alone and childless, but she was fast approaching her late 30s and it felt like the clocks were all ticking away inside an otherwise empty room.

Born in Dublin, Ireland on St. Patrick's Day, 1976, the first of three children born to Frank and Elaine O'Hara. Elaine was one of those unlucky people who seemed destined for a life of misery from the very beginning.

She struggled in school where her dyslexia held her back from high academic achievement and she was frequently bullied.

And when she was 15, one of her close friends died in an automobile accident. In her teenage years, she began developing severe mental health issues.

She was often admitted to psychiatric hospitals and was diagnosed with clinical depression and borderline personality disorder.

She also had asthma and diabetes, was overweight and chain smoked. She was someone who it seemed was doomed to a life of sadness.

The joys and triumphs of being alive, the happiness she saw so many others experience, were out of reach for her.

She found work as a child care worker, but that work was inconsistent and she often had to supplement it with other part-time jobs.

And when her mother Eileen died in 2002, it left her world almost totally dark. Except for her psychiatrist, the famed Anthony Claire, who took on an almost fatherly stature for O'Hara.

But Claire himself fell into a serious depression and decline and when he died suddenly, mere months away from his retirement from a heart attack in 2007, all the lights in Elaine's world went out.

And in August of 2012, so would hers.

It was first noticed that Elaine was missing on August 24, 2012. Her father, Frank O'Hara, had been trying to call her but he couldn't get a hold of her.

She hadn't taken any of his calls since he'd last seen her Wednesday afternoon, two days earlier, shortly after she was discharged from a psychiatric hospital.

Together, they went to the Shagonas cemetery to place flowers on her mother's grave.

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