355: Cultivating Friendships as an Adult with Dr. Marisa G. Franco
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 23 February 2023
⏱️ 43 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
There is an old Irish proverb that says, "A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have."
While some people thrive in a big group and others prefer to have a few close friends, there isn't a human on the planet who doesn't need friends!
But making friends seems to get harder as we get older. Gone are the days of finding a BFF because you happened to sit next to each other on the school bus. Friendship in adulthood takes intentional effort.
In this episode, I talk to psychologist and friendship expert, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, about how to create deep, meaningful relationships as an adult. We talk about why love is so much more than just romantic partnerships, how our attachment style impacts our friendships and the "recipe" for a deep friendship.
Dr. Franco shares lots of practical tips on how to feel more confident in social situations, places to make new friends, conversation starters and how to get over the fear of rejection.
Listen to discover:
● The importance and power of friendship
● How your attachment style impacts how you make friends
● How to make friends as an adult
● The ingredients required for organic friendships to form
● The "liking gap" and how it impacts the way we show up with others
● A method for initiating conversation
● Why you shouldn't fear rejection
Though busy schedules, family commitments and adult responsibilities can make friendship more difficult, connection really boils down to two things: repeated interactions and shared vulnerability. When we understand this, along with our own attachment style, we can take conscious steps to find our people – no matter where we are in life.
"How we've connected has shaped who we are...then who you are affects how you connect." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"Research finds, for example, that even learning about attachment theory shifts your attachment a bit." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"Being secure is not about never feeling insecure. It's about having an alternative secure voice too and leaning into or buying into the more secure side of you." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"That's one of my biggest tips when it comes to making friends: assume people like you when it's ambiguous." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"When we really work with our attachment styles, it can really just change the whole way we see the world." - Michelle Chalfant
"If you're an adult and you don't have that [infrastructure for meeting new people] anymore, you can't assume it's going to happen organically. You have to try." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"Find a community that's going to give you repeated unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"You also have to overcome covert avoidance. And covert avoidance is our tendency to show up physically but check out mentally." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"People are less likely to reject you than you think." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"It's not so much about what you say. It's about the fact that you are opening up conversation." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"Rejection is just part of the process of connection." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"I think we need to remind ourselves too that if someone doesn't like us, it might have nothing to do with us." - Michelle Chalfant
"I think there are so many ways that sometimes what we think is a rejection, the other person is actually thinking of as consideration." - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
"Oftentimes, it's not about us. It's about something that other person is going through." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Marisa G. Franco Website
"Platonic" (Dr. Marisa G. Franco book)
https://drmarisagfranco.com/about/platonic-the-book/
Dr. Marisa G. Franco Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/
The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle
https://theadultchair.com/worthy
HelloFresh
Use code ADULT65 for 65% off + free shipping
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Transcript
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| 0:27.4 | Graham wants and what I want because we don't eat the same way. It frees up my time. So then when |
| 0:33.5 | I'm not working, I can do what I like to do. Like I go for my hikes, I jump in my kayak. It has saved |
| 0:39.7 | me so much time by not going to the grocery store. The other reason I love HelloFresh is because |
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| 1:03.5 | Just this last week, I ordered mighty mushrooms and black bean burgers with potato wedges. |
| 1:09.4 | It was delicious. I'm not kidding. This meal for me was so good. And the same night that I had |
| 1:16.6 | that Graham ate caramelized onion, meatloaf sandwiches. That one came with roasted broccoli and |
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| 1:32.0 | you it felt like we were out to dinner. I love HelloFresh. And the other thing I love about it is |
| 1:37.9 | that I just order my meals online. I hand my laptop to Graham and I go, no, you can order yours. |
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| 2:17.0 | check them out. Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, and human |
| 2:24.7 | just like you learning to navigate life challenges. With over 25 years experience, I teach people how |
... |
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