353: The Key to Relational Resilience

The Connected Life

Justin Stumvoll

Mental Health, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Christianity

4.9 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 6 October 2025

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Shame is one of the most powerful forces in relationships and one of the least recognized. It hides behind defensiveness, blame, denial, and emotional shutdowns. It keeps us from hearing each other, owning our impact, and creating real repair. But what if we could build shame resilience and become great at relationships?

In this episode, Justin and Abi get personal about the ways shame shaped their marriage—and what finally helped them break the cycle. They unpack why most people confuse shame with guilt, how shame can masquerade as moral failure, and why separating identity from behavior is essential for connection. From psychoeducation to spiritual perspective, they share what helped them heal.

Whether you collapse when someone’s upset with you, or go on the offense to avoid feeling wrong, this conversation will help you clarify what’s happening and build the courage to show up with more ownership and compassion.

You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife

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Also get your hands on The Tree of Life, an allegorical novel by Justin Stumvoll on Amazon now: https://shorturl.at/hl1n4

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Life isn't perfect, and neither are we.
0:05.6	No, but we know how to face our fears and have some fun.
0:09.7	And talk about all the messiest things of life.
0:13.1	Like the messiest things.
0:15.6	Get connected to yourself, get connected to others, and get connected to the life right in front of you.
0:21.6	This is the connected life with Justin and Abby.
0:24.6	That's me.
0:25.5	That's you.
0:26.5	And you.
0:27.3	Do you think that talking about shame causes more shame for you?
0:34.6	I don't think so.
0:36.9	Do you feel shame right now?
0:38.2	We started the podcast.
0:39.5	I think he said, you a little liar.
0:42.4	You said before we get started.
0:46.7	I was like, this doesn't even make sense in any context for us in this current moment.
0:52.5	Yeah.
0:53.6	I don't think it causes shame. I don't know. Do you feel, what do you feel right now? Excited to talk about this subject with you. You know what? I do like talking about this subject. Shame. We're talking about shame and probably people don't want to hear that we're talking about shame. They're probably like, oh, I'll skip that podcast. Yeah, get out of here.
1:11.4	Yeah, but it is.
1:12.3	We're not actually talking about shame.
1:13.5	We're talking about shame resilience.
1:15.5	Yeah, we are.
	...

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