353: How To Empower Yourself To Set Healthy Boundaries: Rebecca's Story
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 9 February 2023
⏱️ 36 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When it comes to standing up for ourselves and setting boundaries, there are few places where this is tougher than with our family of origin.
Family brings a whole different dynamic to the table: our foundational attachments, our childhood programming, group expectations and our natural loyalty to our parents.
The most successful and strongest people I know can still fall into old patterns or feel like younger versions of themselves around their parents and family.
In this episode, I'm talking to my friend, Rebecca, whose family would often criticize her when she would set boundaries. Despite being a successful adult and parent herself, Rebecca often felt small and at the whim of her parents' emotions.
After a conflict around this issue, Rebecca was invited to a holiday gathering with her mom and dad, and she decided it was time to take empowered steps to change her family dynamics.
She turned inward and got clear about what her boundaries were and her plan in case her boundaries were crossed – and she had an entirely different experience at that get together! She connected to a deep sense of self-worth, power and her ability to take care of herself that still radiates from her today.
In this show, she's sharing how she did it using The Adult Chair® model and how you can do it too!
Listen to discover:
● How Rebecca learned to stand up for herself and change her family dynamics
● The inner work Rebecca did to get clear on her boundaries
● What an embodied boundary feels like
● Why taking care of ourselves and setting boundaries can lead to healthier relationships
What I love about Rebecca's approach is she didn't just ask herself what her boundaries were; she asked herself how she wanted to feel. This helped her stay connected to herself, and it gave her an embodied sense of strength and power.
You can feel her grounded energy just listening to this conversation, and she has so many amazing takeaways to share with us – this one is a must listen!
"I didn't know what a true boundary was before all of this." - Rebecca
"My parents never respected me as an adult." - Rebecca
"If they were happy, I was happy." - Rebecca
"I don't like labels, but it does help us to understand why people show up the way they do." - Michelle Chalfant
"I need to take care of myself because no one will take care of me." - Rebecca
"We can't set effective, strong, clear boundaries if we don't know what we value inside and who we are on the inside." - Michelle Chalfant
"No one is going to make me feel any other way than how I want to feel. And if they do, it's not selfish to not want to be here." - Rebecca
"I hear someone that is choosing their reality versus allowing others to dictate their reality." - Michelle Chalfant
"I have the power to change this. I just have to work. That's the thing – you have to work." - Rebecca
"Words are powerful...I want my children to understand your words can take you places and can move mountains and can make you feel amazing, if you know how you want to feel." - Rebecca
"Unless you have the energy within, then you can't set a firm boundary." - Michelle Chalfant
"What's ok for you doesn't have to be ok for anybody else." - Rebecca
LINKS & RESOURCES
The Self-Worth Meditation Bundle
https://theadultchair.com/worthy
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, and human just like you, |
| 0:09.4 | learning to navigate life challenges. |
| 0:11.8 | With over 25 years experience, I teach people how to get healthy using the adult chair model. |
| 0:17.6 | The adult chair model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality, and it teaches |
| 0:23.0 | us how to become healthy adults. |
| 0:26.2 | From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues, you can use the |
| 0:30.4 | adult chair for just about anything. |
| 0:33.7 | Each week, I share practical tips, tools and advice from myself and a wide range of experts |
| 0:40.0 | on how to get unstuck, how to live authentically, and how to truly love yourself, all while |
| 0:45.7 | sitting in your adult chair. |
| 0:48.8 | Welcome to the adult chair podcast. |
| 0:55.6 | Hello, everybody, and welcome to the adult chair podcast. |
| 0:58.7 | I am Michelle Shelfand, boy, oh boy, do I have a show for you today? |
| 1:06.4 | Yeah. |
| 1:07.4 | We were talking today about boundaries, and I had a very raw and candid and vulnerable |
| 1:16.9 | conversation with a friend of mine that was sharing with me how her holidays went with |
| 1:24.1 | boundaries, okay? |
| 1:27.2 | This was someone that, you know, it's what I call a sneak attack. |
| 1:30.7 | You've heard me on other shows where when someone starts sharing something with me that |
| 1:36.1 | is, I think, helpful to others, then I record. |
| 1:41.2 | I just hit record and away we go, and many, many, many of those times I use this as a podcast |
| 1:47.4 | if it's going to help others, and this is one. |
... |
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