338: Grapesalicious Gandolfini

Regular Features

Comedy

4.9 • 546 Ratings

🗓️ 28 March 2019

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode you will meet no fewer than three James Gandolfinis, no fewer than one Grapesalicious Bordain, and one more than none Matt Lees with a bunch of allergies sellotaped to his back. Hello, this is Regular Features, and thank you for giving us your ears again.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Regular regular regular features
0:01.7	A regular regular regular features
0:03.8	A regular regular features a regular regular features a show
0:07.4	Hello and welcome to regular features
0:10.1	I'm John Blythe and this is the podcast that's the same every week
0:14.9	On my right
0:16.9	It's your left
0:18.6	I'm just like to say you queue me up and then just talk? Hello and welcome to regular features. I'm Loggin. On my right-hand side is a man called Steve Hoggety. I'll let him tell you more about himself. My name is Steve Hoggutty and I'm going to tell you all about myself. My name is Steve, and I like to say, I'm the hippith motherfucker in the world today. That's a fact. Can you beat that, Matt Lee's? I can't. I am just the custodians of facts for this evening, and I can clarify that everything that's been said thus far is 100% truth. I'm Matt. I will be, I don't know. Let's just have a drink and see what happens.
0:57.4	Absolutely. It's regular features, isn't it? That's what we do. What's everyone doing? Why? I'm not
1:04.0	going to tell you what I'm doing. You're going to make me a drink. Make me a drink and then maybe I'll do a feature.
1:08.6	Log, what are you doing? Do you want to know my feature?
1:11.2	Yeah.
1:14.6	I am going to introduce you to the universe of the teeny weenie gandolphinies.
1:18.5	It's their things you get in Kinder Eggs.
1:20.5	I'm...
1:21.7	Like the terrapins.
1:24.0	Like the tiny terrapins.
1:25.1	The tiny teeny terrapins.
1:28.1	Dancing on your grave. Having fun. All under the tropical sea. Do you want to know? There's plenty of wanting to play. Sorry. Okay. Could you stop doing that? Oh. Suddenly I want to vomit all the kind of eggs I've ever eaten. I'm sorry. I only remembered half of that song, but my wife unfortunately also loved the teeny tiny
1:47.7	turpid. I want to vomit all the kinder eggs I've ever eaten. I'm sorry, I only remembered half of that song, but my wife, unfortunately, also loved the Tunei Tari Terrapids, and we combine the two halves of the bits of the songs we remembered, forming them, like some sort of fucking Tune Raider puzzle we're not supposed to solve. And now, my brain is cursed. It was one of the most irritating things I've ever heard. I love them. I had three of them. I love them. There were loads more than that. If you love them that much, you do collect more. And also, what the fuck is a Tomb Raider puzzle you're not supposed to solve? You're supposed to solve them all. Yeah. There are no optional Tomb Raider puzzles. It's called a fucking joke. Later games. It's a joke. Yeah, joke's got to be based in reality. Exactly. That one landed far short of the... Subverting... Subverting expectations. And you expect that every puzzle in a fucking Tomb Raider game you're supposed to solve. This one you're not supposed to do. Why? Yeah, good luck getting through the first tomb ready game.
2:36.3	Because you decided not solve one of the puzzles.
2:39.0	Great. Neptune's Temple.
	...

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