300: How to Be a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 3 February 2022
⏱️ 40 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Are you convinced you're just bad at boundaries? Do you worry this is a trait that you were born without and you're just destined to feel taken advantage of and resentful for the rest of your life?
The truth is that no one is born good at boundaries! They're not something you have or don't have; they're a skill you develop. That's right – you CAN become a boundary boss!
My guest today, Terri Cole, is a boundary boss herself and a licensed psychotherapist who helps people from all walks of life overcome the "disease to please," speak their truth clearly and confidently and live more free, peaceful lives. We talk about how our boundary scripts form (and why it's not your fault), how to navigate conflict in a healthier way and a POWERFUL list of "boundary rights" you have that will inspire you to take more control of your life today!
Listen to discover:
- Why boundaries are so hard to set
- Steps to stop abandoning yourself and set better boundaries
- "The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights" (this is SO powerful!)
- How to handle pushback against boundaries
- What to do about boundary "repeat offenders"
The cool thing about boundaries is that once you start setting them, it gets easier and easier. Though some people will push back against your boundaries, you might be surprised by the amount of appreciation and respect you get from others when you begin setting boundaries.
You will learn that conflict doesn't equal disconnection – in fact, boundaries deepen connection and prevent resentment – and you will really experience what it feels like to be loved for your authentic self. And once you know how that feels, there is no turning back!
"We all have this downloaded boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind." - Terri Cole
"It's your own personal rules of engagement…All of our boundaries are incredibly unique." - Terri Cole
"We were raised and praised — most of us — for being self-abandoning codependents." - Terri Cole
"It's so much easier to say no when you haven't already said yes." - Terri Cole
"'Isn't self-care selfish?' No, it's self-loving!" - Michelle Chalfant
"Once you start doing it, it feels so good to be known. It feels so good to be accurately seen." - Terri Cole
"We can stay lovingly attached to the people in our lives while we set boundaries." - Terri Cole
LINKS & RESOURCES
Terri Cole Website
Terri Cole Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
"Boundary Boss" (Terri Cole book)
The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast)
https://www.terricole.com/podcast/
Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole
https://boundaryboss.me/michelle
Episode #140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/140-love-and-boundaries-with-terri-cole/
Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/
The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, and human just like you, |
| 0:09.4 | learning to navigate life challenges. |
| 0:11.8 | With over 25 years experience, I teach people how to get healthy using the adult chair model. |
| 0:17.6 | The adult chair model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality, and it teaches |
| 0:23.0 | us how to become healthy adults. |
| 0:26.2 | From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues, you can use the |
| 0:30.4 | adult chair for just about anything. |
| 0:33.7 | Each week, I share practical tips, tools and advice from myself and a wide range of experts |
| 0:40.0 | on how to get unstuck, how to live authentically, and how to truly love yourself, all while |
| 0:45.7 | sitting in your adult chair. |
| 0:48.8 | Welcome to the adult chair podcast. |
| 0:52.8 | Hello, everybody, and welcome to the adult chair podcast. |
| 0:57.8 | I am Michelle Shelfand extremely happy to be here with you today on this first Thursday |
| 1:07.2 | in February, because I can't even believe it as I say this out loud, it's kind of shocking. |
| 1:14.1 | Today is our 300th podcast episode. |
| 1:19.7 | I feel like I need to play some clapping in the background because I am so blown away |
| 1:25.8 | that we are at number 300, and also we are well over 5 million downloads, which I have |
| 1:35.2 | to lift my jaw up off of my desk as I say that. |
| 1:38.8 | This podcast that was something that I created way back when, actually I created it for |
| 1:43.8 | my clients. |
| 1:44.8 | I thought, well, maybe my clients could use a resource. |
| 1:48.1 | I created this seven years ago when people were not even sure what a podcast was, and |
... |
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