Alright ladies, this is one of those episodes that I've got to warn you ahead of time. If you've been heartbroken by a partner who's actually cheated on you, well today's episode may feel a little triggering and painful. But honestly, truthfully, my hope is that by the end of this two-part episode, the transparency of today's guest, a man who's actually cheated multiple times in the terrace with Ford. You'll find how fee a bit of healing and a path to better conversation in the future. Now, a cheating partner isn't, I repeat, is not about you. Period, end of, that's it. But we're going to explore where masturbation, unmet needs and contention created the perfect form for a broken man to cheat. And we go over the three signs, you'll be able to spot so you can take action and move in accordance. I'm just going to repeat, guys, this is not about making excuses for men who cheat. HELLS TO THE NO! Tell you that right now. But this is about empowering women to spot the signs and choose to have productive conversations that create a health-free, long-lasting relationship. And to just give you the power back so that the decisions are all in your hands. Guys, I'm Lisa Velue, and this is Women of Impact. Don't miss part two of this Mindblown conversation with the terrorist world field right here tomorrow. But before that, let's dive into today's episode. You've openly confessed that you had cheated on your ex-wife multiple times. How do you go from falling in love, proposing, marrying, and then breaking her heart and cheating on her? It's not the other person's fault. That's the first thing we have to understand is that a lot of times people say I cheated because this person, no, I cheated because I had a lack of integrity. Didn't realize that lack of integrity into certain things beginning to happen in my marriage to where I felt like my knees weren't being met. And so I went externally for something that I should have went internally for. Whether that internally would be with having those tough conversations with my wife, or even dealing with the pain and then getting healed from my past trauma. You know, I watched my father, never, we always knew that my father cheated, you know, felt like he had a whole another situation outside the home, but we never talked about it. But subconsciously, I always said as a kid, I'm gonna never be like my dad.

And then I found myself being everything that I despised. But what I didn't realize is that it was that brokenness, that inner trauma that I had been dealing with, that I never talked about. I always say, God can't heal what you want to reveal. So if I'm dealing with something inwardly, it's gonna come out. My mom always say, what happens in the dark comes to light.

And so when I felt like my knees were a mess. So if I'm dealing with something inwardly, it's gonna come out. My mom is always say,

well, half of the dollar comes to light.

And so when I felt like my knees were in mitt and my relationship, I remember my wife, she always told me prior to getting married, she said, don't think our marriage is gonna be based on sex. And I was like, okay, it's not gonna be based on sex. I don't understand to have that follow up question.

What does that mean?

What does that mean to you?

What do you believe is the healthy frequency of sex?

We have to get to... It's not gonna be based on sex. I didn't understand to have that follow up question. What does that mean?

What does that mean to you?

What do you believe is the healthy frequency of sex?

We have to get to those levels of conversation because we have to understand some people may say, I think a healthy sex life is twice a week. Then someone may say, oh no, I need to have at least three times a day. then you have to have the conversation, it's like, hold on.

So if you respect it three times a day,

and I can only give it to you twice a week,

then where's the happy medium?

It has to be some compromise. Marriage is all about compromise. But when you don't even have those questions and you don't even pose those questions that even get those answers, then now I'm inwardly dealing with whatever it is. My knees not being met and not communicating that. And so I'm privately dealing with those things on my own,

leaving it up to my own devices saying that, well, if she don't wanna have sex today, well, I'ma go ahead and go get find somebody else to take care of it, but it happened gradually. It started off with me saying, well, I'ma go ahead and just masturbate. So I'ma masturbate. I'm gonna take care of it myself.

And then one day I went into the night stand,

I got the lubrication and I was going to shower,

I would take care of myself.

I would do that care of it myself. And then one day I went into the nightstand,

I got the lubrication and I would go in the shower,

...