So I'm here at Spring Retreat because I couldn't make it to the fall retreat.

It was two weeks before my husband, before retreat my husband committed suicide.

And I'm walking through my healing process right now.

Being here and through my healing process right now.

Being here at instructor, training,

is bringing me so much peace.

And it's such a huge part of my healing. And of course I had to battle the,

you can't do this now. It's too soon. You didn't give yourself enough

time to grieve. You didn't give yourself enough time to do this and what about your kids and I just said no I made a promise to God then I'm not going to quit I don't know what he's going to do now. All my plans have been and have washed away,

but I know that God is with me and God will.

He'll show me what he wants me to do next.

And every day at instructor training I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to God.

I'm becoming more of his beloved daughter.

I'm getting rid of some of the shame and stigma that comes along with being a suicide

survivor something that we don't people don't talk about I'm trying to work I'm still working through it

and I'll be working through it the rest of my life but I know being here and keeping focused on God is what's going to help get me and

other people who may be going through the same thing as I am,

it's going to get us to the other side of this darkness.

I came here now because I told God I would and it's just a step by step day by day walk of faith.

And we're always told that it's the trials in life that test our faith.

And we hear that a lot, but it's not until you really go through something like this that you know how much faith you have.

And this is also showing me how much faith I have because I didn't think I did and I didn't think I could but I know

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