242: How Do I Get My Kids to Like Each Other?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 21 October 2025

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How do you get your kids to like each other… or at least stop fighting all the time? If you’re parenting tweens and teens, sibling conflict can feel endless. One moment they’re laughing together, the next they’re at each other’s throats. You want them to grow up valuing each other, but the daily bickering (and your role in it) can leave you wondering: Am I making things WORSE? In this episode of “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens,” psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan dig into the complex world of sibling relationships. With warmth, humor, and research-backed insight, they unpack why siblings pull away in adolescence, how parents can support their bond without forcing closeness, and what really matters in the long run. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why siblings often distance themselves during the tween and teen years - How comparisons and “fairness” struggles can fuel conflict - When parents should step in—and when to step back - Why forced apologies backfire (and what to do instead) - Practical ways to build connection through one-on-one time and family experiences - Why taking the long view helps parents worry less about today’s fights Sibling relationships are complicated, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. Dr. Lisa offers strategies that are both realistic and compassionate, helping you set the stage for healthier family dynamics now and stronger sibling bonds later. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Episode keywords: sibling rivalry, sibling conflict, teen conflict, family dynamics, parenting tips, sibling relationships Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence

Transcript

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0:00.0	Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about.
0:08.0	Rina, I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.
0:13.0	I'm Rina Nainan and welcome to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens.
0:19.0	And I'm Dr. Lisa DeMore.
0:20.0	We bring you science-back strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions, and more.
0:26.6	We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now.
0:30.3	So subscribe to Ask Lisa the Psychology of Raising Twins and Teens and join our YouTube community today.
0:36.9	Just Google, Ask Lisa podcast. We're here to help
0:40.2	you untangle family life. Episode 242, how do I get my kids to like each other?
0:58.5	So today we're talking sibling rivalry.
1:00.2	I mean, it never ends.
1:03.8	What do you think about when you look at adult relationships and siblings?
1:11.0	I think the big question parents have often is like, how do I make them be close and want to hang out with each other?
1:14.1	Like, what do you need to do right, right? In those early years?
1:21.0	I know. It's not always easy. And, you know, you have two kids and I have two kids, right? So we sort of watch this sibling thing unfold. And, you know, we get a lot of letters about it. And it's like such an important topic because you want your kids to be friends. And sometimes they're worst enemies. Yes. Yeah. So I want to read you this letter and we'll kick it off what this parent is asking. Dear Dr. Lisa and Rina, I have one teen son and a tween very soon to be teen daughter. When they were
1:45.7	younger, they had a very close relationship, but now it seems they are as distant as possible and
1:50.8	want nothing to do with one another on the best days. How can I help support them to begin to value
1:56.5	their relationship and try to build it to at least some degree. Thank you. I think this is like
2:03.5	such a common letter, a basic theme that so many families struggle with. How do you think kids push
2:12.8	themselves away from each other? Why do they do it? So there's a lot of different reasons
2:20.9	why this could be happening. You know, one is that kids want to differentiate. And we see some
2:27.4	research on this that like if one kid's good at something, another kid wants to be good at something
	...

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