237. Libido/Desire Differences in Partners

You Are Not Broken

Kelly Casperson, MD

Medicine, Health & Fitness

5 • 743 Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2023

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

237. Libido/Desire Differences in Partners Thanks to our sponsor Uber Lube 10% off, Code NOTBROKEN uberlube.com Thanks to our sponsor Sprout Pharmaceuticals addyi.com/notbroken Go to Addyi.com and use code NOTBROKEN for a $10 telemedicine appointment. Dr. Jennifer Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Her research focuses on sexual health and health disparities in marginalized sexual and gender communities. Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. She has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in Minnesota. Why did they needed to write a book about desire? Desire discrepancy should be part of adult sex education "Your desire should match your partner" is a myth. Why do we want to blame someone or make someone be the problem in a relationship for having a low libido. The stereotype is that the low libido person is the female – but that is not always the case. We define responsive desire. Four requirements for responsive desire – consent, pleasure, focus, time When you have sex for your partner or fulfill a duty – if this is the default or only motivator for sex it can really affect your desire. Tips for getting out of this pattern. We talk about shame and sex. Your sexuality does not exist in a bubble. We suss out asexuality versus low desire. Asexuality is a self-identity label and a valid sexual orientation. What to do when not attracted to a partner anymore? Is attraction as fluid as desire is? We talk about “sexual destiny” beliefs versus sexual growth beliefs and how these can hurt and benefit our relationships. Tips for the high libido partner. Reducing pressure on their partner and managing their rejection and disappointment reactions. Consider what you are longing for when you seek sexual connection or sexual frequency. Tips for “trying to conceive" low libido Is “desire discrepancy” in a relationship a deal breaker? Not usually. What to do when your partner stonewalls you or doesn’t want to work on the relationship. Dr. Fogel Mersy Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @drlaurenfogelmersy Dr. Vencill www.instagram.com/drjennifervencill. Get their desire book onAmazon Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Did you get my “You Are Not Broken” Book Yet? https://amzn.to/3p18DfK Listen to my Tedx Talk: Why we need adult sex ed Join my NEW Adult Sex Ed Master Class: https://www.kellycaspersonmd.com/adult-sex-ed Join my membership to get these episodes ASAP when they are created and without advertisement and even listen live to the interviews and episodes. www.kellycaspersonmd.com/membership --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kj-casperson/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You are listening to You Are Not Broken, the only podcast that combines science, medicine, and psychology to re-educate your brain and help you live your best love life. And I'm your host, board-certified female urologist, Dr. Kelly Casperson.
0:16.2	Hey friends, I am here today with two amazing women who wrote a book about desire, which is my favorite
0:22.0	topic and it was what I wrote a book about. And I'm so excited that they're here. The first time I've
0:26.5	had two people on, I think, a podcast at the same time, too, which is also very nice. We have Dr.
0:32.1	Fogel Mercy and Dr. Vensil, who are here to join us to talk about desire, an inclusive guide to navigating
0:38.1	libido differences in relationships. And you guys both work and practice in my favorite home
0:44.5	state of Minnesota. I'm like the United States of Minnesota, basically, is where it is.
0:50.3	Can you guys introduce yourselves real quick? Where do you work? Why do you love talking about
0:54.1	desire and how did you get here? Yeah, Lauren Fogel Mercy. I'm a psychologist and an asex
1:00.2	certified sex therapist and I work virtually for my own practice out of a suburb of Minneapolis,
1:07.9	Minnesota. And I am Jennifer Vensel.
1:10.9	She, her pronouns.
1:12.0	I am also an ASX certified sex therapist,
1:14.5	board certified clinical health psychologist.
1:16.3	I work at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.
1:19.4	So I should say my views are my own and not Mayo clinics.
1:22.5	Ah, yes.
1:23.2	When at the Mayo, you must always have a disclaimer.
1:26.2	I'm feral now that I'm in private practice.
1:28.5	Like, my views are mine, bitches. All right, so you guys knew each other because you trained
1:36.6	together at the University of Minnesota. And then at what point was there an interest in writing
1:41.8	a book about desire? What need did you see that you needed to solve?
	...

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