212 - Friday Fix: Stop Making Your Biggest Fears Come True

The Verywell Mind Podcast

Dotdash Media Inc.

Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Mental Health, Education

5 • 703 Ratings

🗓️ 4 November 2022

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sometimes, we inadvertently increase the chances that our biggest fears might come true. That’s not to say it’s your fault if something bad happened to you. Bad things happen to us through no fault of our own much of the time. But there are times when our fear of something causes us to react in a way that actually increases the chances that our fear might come true. From dating the exact type of person you said you wanted to avoid to getting into the financial mess that you swore you’d never get into, there are plenty of other ways in which our efforts sometimes backfire. Here are the four reasons we sometimes accidentally make our biggest fears come true, how to recognize when you’re doing it, and what to do about it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Very Well Mind podcast. We've interviewed over 100 authors, experts, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, and others to help you learn strategies to care for your mental health.
0:22.9	This episode is hosted by psychotherapist and bestselling author Amy Morin. Now let's get into the episode.
0:48.6	Okay. You're listening to the Friday fix. Every Friday, I share a quick mental strength strategy that can help fix the thoughts, feelings, and actions that can hold you back in life.
0:53.2	Today I'm talking about why we sometimes make our biggest fears come true.
0:58.0	Obviously, we don't do it on purpose.
1:00.2	But sometimes we become so focused on preventing something bad from happening that we actually
1:05.4	make it come true.
1:07.3	This isn't about victim blaming or to say that people are the cause of their own misfortune.
1:12.3	Obviously, there are lots of situations where something horrible happens and we have zero responsibility.
1:17.4	So I don't want you to think that I'm also saying that you're going to make your irrational fears come true.
1:23.3	Like I'm scared of snakes, but my fear of snakes doesn't make me more likely to die from a rattlesnake bite.
1:29.7	What I'm talking about are those things that we worry about happening so much, though,
1:33.4	that we actually behave in a way that increases the chances that that unfortunate thing actually happens.
1:39.9	Here are a couple of reasons why that happens sometimes.
1:42.4	Number one, we think so much about our fear that we get caught up in worrying rather than taking helpful action.
1:49.3	Like you're worried about a weather report that says you may get a hurricane, so you stay glued to the news and don't prepare for the storm.
1:57.1	Number two, we work so hard to prevent our fear from coming true that we inadvertently do things that make it come true.
2:05.1	Like, let's say you are going to stand up in front of a crowd to give a speech.
2:08.4	And all you're worried about is that you're going to forget your lines.
2:12.2	So when you stand up there in front of the crowd, you just keep thinking, don't forget your lines over and over again,
2:17.8	which distracts you and you actually forget what you're going to say.
2:22.6	Number three, that thing we're trying to avoid feels familiar.
	...

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